Q: Wow, you get eight presents?!
A: It depends on each individual family. Some do seven small
gifts with the eighth one being extravagant. Others just do one
big gift. Some exchange no gifts at all. Why? Because the story
of Chanukah isn’t about presents. It’s about overcoming religious
persecution. (Of course, who wouldn’t want to celebrate that
with some nice gold hoop earrings?) Gift-giving, in my opinion,
is a way to not make the Jewish kids feel left out among their
holly jolly peers. And based on my linear understanding of
Christmas gift-giving from the cheesy holiday films I’ve seen,
people who celebrate Christmas also get more than one present,
especially with the addition of stocking stuffers and some big
reveal Christmas morning, so the idea of eight presents shouldn’t
be that shocking.

and we kind of think the stereotype is funny. Plus, you get to see all
your friends in town in one place by “coincidence,” so it becomes a
nice shindig.

Q: Why does Chanukah start on a different day each year?
A: Chanukah follows the Jewish calendar and lasts for eight days.

Because it is lunar-based, the days it falls on each year vary in the
secular calendar. It’s just a coincidence that it falls around Christmas.

Q: You must love Adam Sandler.

A: Yes, “The Chanukah Song” was funny in the ’90s and Eight
Crazy Nights was, well, it was tolerable. But just because he put out
a few “Now That’s What I Call Chanukah” hits doesn’t mean he’s
our golden calf.

Q: If Chanukah lasts for eight
Q: Where’s your Christmas tree? Do
you at least have a Chanukah bush?
A: I do not have a Christmas tree because I don’t celebrate Christ-
mas. It’s that simple. As fun as it sounds to participate in this tradition
of garnishing a plant in my living room, the idea of a Chanukah
bush is a sad alternative to a Christmas tree, in my opinion. If any
Jew wants to decorate a shrubbery with an angel and lights as a way
to feel included in the Christmas hysteria, be my guest. But it is not
a Chanukah tradition.

days, why are there nine
candles on that candelabra?
A: First, that candelabra is called a menorah. The taller candle in
the middle (or often off to one side on more modern menorahs) is
called the shamash, which means helper. The shamash is lit first,
then you use that candle to light the others.

Q: Do you really go to the movies and
instead of just H? There are dozens of ways to spell it phonetically
in English. Just don’t ask me which one to use. I still don’t know.

eat Chinese food on Christmas?
Honestly, yes. Now, not every Jew keeps this unofficial “tradi-
tion,” but it’s something that my family has always done simply be-
cause those are the only two interesting things open on that day …
Q: How do you spell Chanukah?
A: Two K’s? One N? No H? The phlegmy clear-your-throat “ch”
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WINTER HOLIDAY GUIDE
NOVEMBER 19, 2015
49