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NOVEMBER 19, 2015
Regift Continued from Page 38
is the thought that counts. “The issue with giving a gift is intention-
ality,” said Rabbi Eric Yanoff at Congregation Adath Israel, noting
that the Talmud interprets Jewish laws of giving for various situations.

“So before you can talk about regifting, you have to think about
what it means to give a gift.”
Like all the rabbis we spoke with, Yanoff took a fairly positive
view of regifting, since Judaism regards the spirit behind a gesture
as paramount. “Sometimes, there are very valuable gifts that are
given without thought, while others are very modest from the point
of view of finance but might be quite touching, like a drawing from
a child,” the rabbi explained. “It’s not clear to me that the act of plac-
ing value on a gift is tied up in spending money on it.”
As an example, the rabbi cited a hypothetical person who receives
a second copy of a book he loves, and decides to regift it to someone
else he believes would love it, too. “You’re saying, ‘I wanted you to
have the experience of reading this book,’ ” elaborated Yanoff. “The
idea that this will mean so much to you — there’s a mindfulness to
that that I think is really lovely. I don’t think there’s anything ethically
problematic about it.”
At Main Line Reform Temple Beth Elohim in Wynnewood, Rabbi
Geri Newburge considered whether the Seinfeld episode was ethically
problematic. Was Elaine’s boyfriend Tim, who regifted a label-maker
she had bought him to Jerry, acting shamefully? “Or is it derech eretz,
a sign of courtesy or respect, wanting a gift to find a better, happier
home?” the rabbi wondered. “I would be delighted to receive some-
thing that a friend or family member thinks I would enjoy.”
Certain items fall more easily into this category than others: du-
plicate gifts, books you already own, foods you can’t eat due to diet
or allergy. “That type of regifting feels very ethically sound,” opined
Yanoff. He and his wife designate one night of Chanukah for tzedakah,
another for books and so on, hoping to avoid pointless, perfunctory
presents for their three children. “And we teach our kids that the first
thing you say, no matter what, is ‘Thank you,’ ” he added.

For Elisa Goldberg, who recently took over as interim rabbi at
the Reconstructionist Kol Tzedek in West Philadelphia, honesty is
what makes regifting kosher. “We are blessed to live in a world with
lots and lots of stuff,” said the rabbi, who, like others, cited the
Jewish commandment of bal tashchit — “do not waste” — as a pow-
erful argument against superfluous items shoved in the back of the
closet. (Rabbi Freedman noted that this commandment is based
on a verse in Deuteronomy about not destroying fruit trees when
waging war on a city — an example with little practical application
in present-day Philadelphia, but a fine rationalization for disposing
of clutter nonetheless.)
“The larger question here is how much stuff we have, and how
much we’re obligated to give — it’s crazy,” said Goldberg. She pointed
out that the avalanche of obligation can become a financial burden
in what are lean economic times for many families — and sometimes,
a nicely wrapped regift may be the only affordable price of admission
to a classmate’s party.

But as a general rule, tacit regifting “doesn’t feel quite right,” ad-
mitted Goldberg, even if it theoretically reduces waste. “You’re not
just giving the gift, you’re giving the sentiment.” The rabbi favors
donating unwanted gifts, or else passing them on as openly second-
hand items, as she does with her 9-year-old daughter on their annual
Chanukah Goodwill run.

The honesty approach finds its fullest expression at white elephant
parties, in which participants wrap frankly unwanted oddball items
(“white elephants”) for a game of exchanges — the funnier and less
WINTER HOLIDAY GUIDE
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM



practical, the better. I used to attend an annual Christmas Day white
elephant party in Brooklyn, and the fights that broke out over the
more hilarious items — a set of “Heroes of the Torah” drinking glass-
es from Fishs Eddy stands out in memory — could be epic. My sister,
who has hosted white elephant Chanukah parties in San Francisco
for years, recalls a hideous clown table lamp that resurfaced year
after year, perennially regifted, until it finally went missing in 2014.

Irony was presumably not the motive for a memorable regift gone
awry at the birthday party of Rabbi Anna Boswell-Levy’s daughter.

The rabbi at Kol Emet in Yardley, Boswell-Levy recalls unwrapping
a dress clearly intended for a baby at her daughter’s third birthday.

The giver was a child whose mother also had a newborn at home,
and without so much as a card attached, “it was very obviously a
regift,” the rabbi recalled. Clearly, this was not the frazzled mother’s
finest hour. But Boswell-Levy said nothing, had her daughter write
a thank-you note, and donated the gift.

From a Jewish perspective, the rabbi is inclined to look charitably
on regifting as a practice that reduces waste in a consumerist society
— “using everything you receive to its best purpose,” a view that
finds support in the Talmud, which stipulates obligation on the part
of the receiver. “But ideally, a gift should be inappropriate to some-
body, and a gift from the heart,” Boswell-Levy added.

And in most cases, honesty is the best policy, said Rabbi Freed-
man of Congregation Rodeph Shalom. “However, we are also taught
that dignity and not embarrassing someone are also of utmost im-
portance, and re-gifting could hurt feelings” if made known to the
recipient, the rabbi observed. He noted religious precedent for telling
a white lie in order to preserve shalom bayit, peace in the home:
“Actually, in this week’s very parsha, God tells a white lie to preserve
Abraham and Sarah’s relationship.”
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM Whether Abraham ever regifted to Sarah is unclear — but Freed-
man confesses to having contemplated the practice to preserve peace
in his own home. The gift in question is a toy puzzle he and his wife
received for their infant daughter; it theoretically emits animal noises
when the pieces are correctly placed, but in practice disturbs their
shalom bayit with random moo’s and baa’s at all hours. “Like in the
middle of the night, at bedtime, nap times,” complained the rabbi.

“My wife and I have been talking recently about who we don’t like
that we will regift it to.”
Freedman swears he is just kidding. But if he caves and regifts
the much-loathed toy, he can take comfort in the fact that Jewish
ethics are probably on his side. l
Hilary Danailova is a longtime contributor to the publications of the Jewish
Exponent. PARTY TRAYS FOR HANUKKAH AND
HOME & OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTIES
We Deliver!
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www.BenandIrvs.com WINTER HOLIDAY GUIDE
NOVEMBER 19, 2015
41