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22 THE GUIDE 2015/2016
. be just the first step on the way to teshuvah, says Handler.

Regarding direct messages on social media, their suit-
ability for atonement “depends on the relationship itself,”
she says.

“There is a lot that can end up being misconstrued
in writing, whether it is in an email, in a text or online.

Something that people might be writing quickly because
they’re running out of the door, might come out as curt
or angry. So, when one is making teshuvah, having the
proper intention is so important for that. If the relation-
ship that you have is one that you feel an email could be
sufficient” for an apology, “then in that case maybe that
would be OK,” Handler says.

Rabbi Esther Lederman, director of communities of
practice at the Union for Reform Judaism, also cautions
against making a mass apology on social media because
forgiveness in the Jewish tradition must be sought “di-
rectly from the person you have hurt” and is “also about
repairing the relationship, which can’t be done anony-
mously.” Additionally, when it comes to apologizing to some-
one directly via social media, Lederman believes that the
medium is less significant than the intention of the apol-
ogy. “I’ve had very meaningful exchanges by chat and
email, although I am also someone who prefers to com-
municate with a person by voice,” she says.

Lederman says she fears a world in which “technology
will replace the real human to human contact that is nec-
essary for sacred engagement.” If this occurs, she says,
“What is the point in gathering together as a community
at an appointed time? I believe there is a sacred purpose
to that and I don’t want email, Facebook or Twitter to
ever replace this.”
The social media editor of Chabad.org, Rabbi
Mordechai Lightstone, emphasizes that the most impor-
tant aspect of atoning for interpersonal transgressions is
understanding that forgiveness in Judaism centers on
how the aggrieved person receives the apology. If that
person feels they were apologized to in the right way,
then whatever the medium is becomes less significant.

“When we wish to truly convey the emotional impact
of our words, we must make sure we truly understand
how they will appear,” Lightstone says.

That appearance, in turn, will differ depending on
whoever is receiving the apology.

“To some, nothing short of a phone call before Yom
Kippur would be considered a serious and honest form
of asking forgiveness,” says Lightstone. “To others, the
very thought of a phone call would be considered un-
necessary and even socially awkward. It takes a true un-
derstanding of who your friends are to really know the
best way to reach out.”
Lightstone, therefore, is unlikely to consider my afore-
mentioned decision to apologize to my friend via Face-
book as invariably wrong, as long as the apology was
truly accepted.

“If I’m able to truly convey my heartfelt remorse with
an emoji and a short message, and I know that the person
receiving it will be fully comforted or even prefer that
text [over a phone call or face-to-face apology], then I’m
happy to do so,” Lightstone says.





“I might not be teaching
biology anymore, but my
green thumb sure
hasn’t retired!”
Sarah West
Cathedral Village
resident since 2004
MS Biology, Yale University
Cathedral Village offers luxurious apartments and fabulous amenities.

Our stimulating lifestyle addresses every passion, like gardening,
fitness, horticulture, technology, art, music and literature.Sculpt your
own David on Monday and plant veggies on Tuesday. Join friends in
Center City on Wednesday. Need a rest? We’ve got 40 acres of
beautifully landscaped grounds just waiting to be explored at your
leisure. Call 215-984-8620 today to schedule a personal visit.

years of excellence
1979 - 2014
600 East Cathedral Road
Philadelphia, PA 19128
215-487-1300 www. cathedralvillage.com
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