Though her mother could make people
sick with her cooking, matzah brei was
a rare recipe she could make well. Even
the Jewish daughter-starved-for-flavor-
turned-successful-cook attests, a mother
helps you become the person you are.

A similar contrast plays out in Elissa
Altman’s latest memoir, “Motherland.”
Altman’s mother, a singer, performer and
TV host, restricts her eating along with
everything else. The author, determined to
live a bigger life, revels in dinners with her
father at French bistros all over Manhattan,
where she learned to be an eater.

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“A mother and a
daughter are an edge.

Edges are places of
danger or opportunity ...

Why can’t they be both?”
ELISSA ALTMAN
The dynamic between the writer
and her frail mother is plagued by co-
dependence. As she forges into a career
and relationship of her own, Altman faces
what she calls Jewish guilt over moving
from New York to Connecticut. That
turns the majority of her visits to phone
calls, and the limits of her caretaking
come at a cost.

“A mother and a daughter are an edge.

Edges are places of danger or opportunity,”
Altman writes. “Why can’t they be both?”
I also listen to “Family Secrets,” a
podcast with Dani Shapiro — a novelist
and essayist raised Orthodox — that
sprouted from the publication of her most
recent memoir, “Inheritance.” A handful
of episodes are enough to bring mothers
(and parents) across the spectrum of
character into the mix.

For Jewish readers, I especially
recommend Arianna Neumann’s episode,
“The Mysterious Boot Club,” or Adam
Frankel’s story, “Bubbe and Zayde and
Grandma and Pa.”
Then there’s Vivian Gornick’s 1987
memoir “Fierce Attachments,” which is
often cited as one of the paradigms of the
genre. She couldn’t have chosen a more
suitable title. l
Babette Dunkelgrün is a native of the Netherlands
who now lives in California. This piece was
originally published at JTA.org.

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THE GOOD LIFE
MAY 14, 2020
29