“You should wear what makes you happy,” Solomon advised. “If
that’s the gown you never wore for your fi rst marriage? Wear it now.”
Second- or third-time brides are more likely to be able to aff ord the
dress of their dreams — and this time around, they’re freer to choose
between a fairytale gown, a chic suit or a vividly hued cocktail dress.

“Maybe their tastes haven’t changed,” Solomon pointed out.

“Or sometimes they’ll ask, ‘Should I not be in something
so white?’ Quite frankly, many people don’t look great
in white. Color is oft en a better option.”
Sunny Rosenstein, an Elkins Park Jewish educa-
tor, wore mauve to her third wedding — which,
like her fi rst two nuptials, was an Orthodox cere-
mony. Th e dress color wasn’t the only diff erence.

“When you’re 21, it really is about the wed-
ding,” said Rosenstein, 65, who made her own
white dress for her fi rst wedding in 1975. “When
you’re 40, it’s defi nitely about the marriage. Th e
wedding itself is so much less important.”
About 75 people attended Rosenstein’s 1994
wedding, which in Orthodox circles is considered
tiny, she said. “For comparison, our daughter’s wed-
ding was over 400 people just for the ceremony,”
said Rosenstein, a member of Mekor Habracha in
Center City, “and another 200 for the sheva brachot
(seven traditional blessings) later that week.”
Wedding planner Susan Norcross has noticed
smaller guest lists for second or third weddings.

“Th ey’re not necessarily looking to have 300
people, all their business colleagues; they’ve done
that already,” she said. “Th ey’ll still have a cocktail
hour and music, but not a 15-piece band. It’s some-
thing with a dinner party feel, where they can spend
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM more time with the people who’ve come to be with them.”
Degrees of pomp refl ect circumstances that vary more than
those of fi rst weddings — even if the liturgy, and ritual, remain
more or less the same.

“Th e stories are diff erent, and the couples oft en have a beau-
tifully refi ned knowledge of what marriage is and what they
are looking for,” refl ected Rabbi Eric Yanoff of Adath
Israel in Merion Station. He added that the joy of fi nd-
ing love aft er loss — whether owing to divorce or
widowhood — lends “incredible nuance and beau-
ty to that love, and how it is celebrated.”
Loss isn’t always a factor; sometimes, it’s the
same bride and groom under a new chuppah.

At Temple Beth Zion Beth Israel, Rabbi Abe
Friedman had several recent couples who wed
civilly, then wanted a second, Jewish ceremony
aft er one or both members had converted.

“As conversion has decoupled from mar-
riage,” Friedman said, “we’re seeing whole
families and couples coming through the con-
version process.” Th e ensuing Jewish weddings,
he noted, “are something we’re going to be
seeing more and more of.”
All of which casts a diff erent light on the
old-time fantasy of marrying once for life.

“People talk about, ‘Finally, you married
your bashert,’” said Cynthia Silber, who still
has Keys’ love letters from 1979. “But we had
very full lives with other people before. It’s just a
diff erent time.” ❤
SIMCHAS Hilary Danailova is a freelance writer.

MARCH 21, 2019
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