Secon d (or Thir d) Time Arou nd,
the Wedding’s Differ ent
HILARY DANAILOVA | JE FEATURE
C ynthia Silber didn’t marry Eric Key back in the 1970s —
when they were college kids in love —because he wasn’t
Jewish and her father strongly objected.

So the Elkins Park couple has a good time imagining Silber’s
father’s reaction to their 2018 Jewish wedding, which came aft er
both were divorced from long marriages to other people — and
followed Key’s conversion to the faith (ironically, aft er a prior
marriage to a non-religious Jewish woman).

“We joke frequently about my father spinning in his grave,”
laughed Silber, a physician.

Th eir May nuptials near Rittenhouse Square epitomized the
particular joys of marriage later in life. Silber eschewed a gown
in favor of a white linen Nicole Miller cocktail dress; the couple
walked down the aisle to the Grateful Dead.

“At 60, I got married completely for myself,” Silber refl ected.

“My parents are gone. Th ere’s no thought of having more children.”
Th ere’s also no one way to remarry nowadays. In generations
past, a white dress was taboo for a second-time bride, and the
celebration was expected to be modest.

Now, “anything goes,” observed Lynda Barness, who owns
Philadelphia-based I DO wedding consulting and teaches in
Temple University’s wedding planning certifi cate program. From
social arrangements to guest lists to attire, Barness added, “there
really aren’t any rules.”
One element that does tend to distinguish later marriages: “It’s
more of a family focus,” Barness said. Brides and grooms oft en
come to the nuptials with children, even grandchildren. In place of
fraternity brothers or college girlfriends, wedding parties are now
more likely to feature daughters, nephews and cousins.

Such ceremonies honor the reality that relatives, rather than
friends, play a more prominent role in middle-aged lives. Silber’s
maid of honor was her 25-year-old daughter, a niece served as
bridesmaid and her 28-year-old son walked her down the aisle.

Th e latter is as close to a remarriage convention as anything,
with grown children standing in, literally, for fathers and mothers
who escorted the couple the fi rst time around.

“Th eir own parents might not be with them, so
they’re fl ipping it a bit,” said Susan Norcross, a vet-
eran wedding planner who owns Th e Styled Bride
in Philadelphia. She recently planned a third-time
wedding for roughly 60 people at a family home,
with an adult son walking the bride down the aisle.

“It brought everyone together in a location that had
nice memories for everyone,” Norcross said.

Family may be more prominent — but for many
second-time brides and grooms, the absence of
parental involvement feels liberating.

“It was a lot less stressful than the fi rst time,” admitted
Philadelphia attorney Sandy Mozes of his third marriage, in
2006, to Clare Kahn. Mozes recalled “a lot of tension between
the two sets of parents” for the earlier occasion, along with a
The Sibler-Keys, then and now
Photos courtesy of Silber-Key family
14 MARCH 21, 2019
guest list weighted heavily toward an older generation. “When you’re a
young bride and groom, you get a lot of parents’ friends and extended
family,” said Mozes, who is now 67.

For the couple’s more recent nuptials, “it was everyone we
knew and loved,” said Kahn, 64, a British-born biochemist. Only a
few dozen people were present for the ceremony, in the chapel at
Temple Beth Zion Beth Israel; aft erward, the couple walked across
Rittenhouse Square for a brunch with 130 friends.

“We didn’t want a big display,” explained Kahn, whose son
and daughter from her fi rst marriage gave her away. “Th is time
around, we felt like we shouldn’t make a fuss of ourselves so much
as have an enjoyable time.”
Th e late-in-life relationship felt comfortable, but traditional
bridal gowns proved a less comfortable fi t.

“I tried on various dresses and kept on saying, ‘Th is is too
wedding-y,’” Kahn recalled. She fi nally settled on a straight,
tea-length dress in off -white silk.

Sleeker silhouettes and simpler designs remain more common
for remarrying brides, said Ivy Solomon, who owns the Philadelphia
boutique Lovely Bride. With looser social mores, however, older brides
feel freer to opt for ballgowns, non-gowns or colors other than white.