Breaking
THE Rules OF
Engagement o say I
I think comedian/actor Aziz Ansari
RACHEL KURLAND | JE STAFF
see a new
says it best in his standup — hear me out,
engagement, it’s really good — when he mocks how some
marriage or
people are willing to commit to another for the
baby announce-
rest of their lives after knowing them for only a few
ment in my Facebook news feed
months. almost every day is, amazingly enough,
I honestly watch this standup special all the time because
not hyperbole.

not only is it hysterical and easily accessible from my current
I asked a friend about this, and by the time she responded to my
boyfriend — he doesn’t want me to use his real name, but it kinda
message, I had already scrolled through two new postings — one
rhymes with “pet flicks” — but I truly believe in the meaning behind
for a new baby bump, the other displaying a diamond ring.

Ansari’s jokes.

I’m only 23 years old, but a fairly large majority of people I knew
Even in the Jewish realm, dating and weddings come and go in
in high school and college are already engaged or married — and
a flash. This is more traditional, especially when it comes to Ortho-
they did it fast.

dox dating/courting, but scary fast nonetheless.

And they did it contra established trendlines. Across the country,
For most of my young life, as I’m sure many other young Jewish
the median age of men marrying is 29.2; for women, it is 27.1, ac-
men and women can attest to, I have been the recipient of endless
cording to the United States Census Bureau — those numbers are
guilt — subliminal and otherwise — by my mother to marry a nice
the highest ever reported.

Jewish boy (i.e. doctor) and also eventually put her in a nice retire-
Maybe it’s a Southern thing, maybe it’s based on religions and
ment home (irrelevant for this particular story but relevant to push
traditions, or maybe the Florida heat just got to everybody’s heads
the point of Jewish guilt).

one summer, but I think I missed the boat with this current craze.

This doesn’t sound like a bad life to me, but what’s the rush? Is it
A lot of these engagements occurred over relatively short pe-
really important to embed this idea into the psyche of a 6-year-old?
riods of time — after several months of dating — or roughly the
Now this isn’t a dig at my mom — mostly because she’ll be reading
same span it took to make up my mind about a cardigan I bought
this — but more of a question directed at Jewish society.

last year.

According to the oft-cited 2013 survey from Pew Research Center,
I am currently single — happily and by choice, I might add —
A Portrait of Jewish Americans, 44 percent of married Jews who were
but should I be in more similar situations as my peers?
surveyed — and 58 percent of those who have married since 2005
T 32
MARCH 31, 2016
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