diverse as Edna St. Vincent Millay
and Robert Fulghum.

And in Kaplan-Mayer’s opin-
ion, it is the Internet — particu-
larly the blogosphere — that has
transformed wedding planning,
inviting Jewish brides and grooms
to consider a universe of options.

Whereas couples once had to trek
to a Judaica shop to fi nd a decorat-
ed ketubah, for instance, “now you
can look online at fi ve or 10 diff er-
ent artist websites and see what’s
out there,” she said.

Such innovation is less accept-
able in the Orthodox community,
according to Rabbi Eliezer Hirsch
of Mekor Habracha, a Center City
Orthodox congregation. He said
an Orthodox ketubah must con-
tain the original Aramaic text —
no Hebrew, English or poetry, as is
commonly found on those of non-
Orthodox or secular couples —
and the witnesses who sign it must
be observant Jewish males.

“My approach, when I’m asked
to perform a wedding, is to bal-
ance the elements,” Rabbi Hirsch
explained. “Th ere are certain ele-
ments that are not compromisable.

For example, the ring ceremony
— that has to be done exactly cor-
rectly, because that’s what makes
the marriage.”
Th e seven blessings, also at the
core of Jewish ritual, are one of the
components most likely to be per-
sonalized in non-Orthodox wed-
dings. Some couples opt to write
their own interpretations; have the
blessings recited in both Hebrew
and English translation; or, most
popular of all, to assign people to
read the blessings as a way of par-
ticipating in the ceremony, as the
Kagans did.

At Old York Road Temple-Beth
Am in Abington, Rabbi Robert
Leib gives seven numbered cards
containing “short, concise, non-
literal” English translations of the
blessings to each set of potential
spouses. “It’s up to them to select
seven individuals, and it adds an-
other fl avor, as it were, to the cer-
emony,” he said.

But it is the chupah — the wed-
ding canopy — that is at once the
most iconic and most customiz-
able piece of a Jewish wedding. Be
it of cloth, fl oral garlands or other
materials that have personal sig-
nifi cance, the chupah hangs over
the bride and groom as a metaphor
for the Jewish home they will build
together. It was that symbolism
that led Sara Kunzman and Da-
vid Baumgarten — Philadelphians
who are sorting through traditions
for their interfaith wedding — to
settle fi rst on a chupah: “We both
really thought, the chupah is a nice
visual element,” Kunzman said.

Kaplan-Mayer, who has seen
chupahs made out of Shabbat ta-
blecloths or from quilts with contri-
butions from many friends, said the
wedding canopy is the most popu-
lar of Jewish traditions. In addition
to its creative potential, “especially
for the Jewish grandparents, there’s
something about the visual symbol-
ism that really resonates,” she said.

Rabbi Leib has offi ciated under
chupahs that wove threads from a
grandfather’s tallit, and his couples
are also increasingly likely to use
old family jewelry for the ring ex-
change. “It’s something very beauti-
ful and meaningful to incorporate
these generational Jewish ritual
objects into the ceremony,” he said.

Th e emphasis on family bonds also
lends emotional weight to a ritual
that — though private rather than
communal — is still about the
union of families.

Kunzman and Baumgarten,
whose wedding will take place in
June, have already decided to honor
both her Presbyterian side and his
Jewish heritage with a unity candle
ritual, employing candlesticks from
her own family and the set used
at Baumgarten’s sister’s wedding.

“We’ve been researching heirlooms
and concentrating on what we can
do to meld the two families togeth-
er,” Kunzman explained.

Many observers trace the cre-
ativity trend in weddings to the
1970s, when the feminist move-
ment prompted Jews from across
the spectrum to take a closer, more
critical look at the ancient institu-
tion of marriage — an institution
whose gender roles had been strictly
codifi ed for centuries.

“Women started reclaiming and
re-imagining ritual,” said Kaplan-
Mayer. “Before the 1970s, women
really weren’t consulted in the cre-
ation of Jewish ritual. When wom-
en started bringing their creative
energy to ritual, change happened.

And that’s been the trajectory.”
Th at movement has eff ected
change among the Orthodox as
well. For example, Mekor Habra-
cha’s Hirsch has married couples
in which the woman seeks a more
prominent role than might be tra-
ditional, and he seeks to accommo-
date that desire within halachah, or
Jewish law.

While the blessings must be re-
cited by men in the Orthodox rite,
for instance, a woman might follow
the man’s blessing with a recited
translation, he said. And although
Jewish law does not allow for a
two-way ring exchange — as many
egalitarian-minded Jews seek today
— some couples choose to have the
woman present her groom’s ring
with a recited blessing at another
point in the ceremony.

Some of these contemporary
touches might end up as traditions
of their own. Th e personalized fam-
ily chupah, for instance, has been
popular for more than a generation
now — and the one Main Line
Reform’s Straus created for his own
wedding, which took place decades
ago, has been shared by many cou-
ples since. “My mother-in-law em-
broiders the names of each couple
who uses it,” he said. “We’ve been
fortunate not to have to take too
many names out.”
Hilary Danailova is a frequent
contributor to Special Sections.

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