In the Name of the Daughter
A P ERFECT
D AY
Continued from page 7
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and Jewish website I consulted, the assignment of
a name to a Jewish child carries enormous spiritual
and metaphysical weight. For Ehrlich, that meant
choosing biblical names of “kind of unconventional
women,” she explained. “Th at was a fun and interest-
ing way to name daughters.”
Mindy Rubinlicht-Torban of Horsham told me
how she struggled to adapt two family names —
Efraim and Velvel — into a Hebrew name for her
daughter Julia, now 2 years old. She settled on Effi
Ziva; Effi is a Yiddish nickname, and Ziva is the femi-
nine form of Zev, which — like Velvel — translate to
“wolf.” So maybe the Yiddish “Zelda” would pass muster,
I thought, though I’d need a second name to honor
family members. Rubinlicht-Torban also eased my
anxiety over another factor that has delayed Zelda’s
ritual: the reality that since her birth, our family has
been in geographical transition. With her father and I
splitting our time between both coasts — and having
lived abroad for several years before that — we sorely
lack the communal or congregational roots that sud-
denly feel so crucial.

As it happens, the Rubinlicht-Torbans were also
unaffi liated. “I said, ‘I don’t want some rabbi I have
no connection with naming my child,’” recounted
Rubinlicht-Torban, who has found community in on-
line forums such as jkidphilly.org. Instead, she asked
a Jewish neighbor with whom they shared Shabbat
dinners to offi ciate at her parents’ home.

Th e friends planned a service that incorporated
Jewish blessings, poems and responsive readings into a
booklet for guests. “We got everyone involved in bless-
ing the baby,” Rubinlicht-Torban recalled. “And we
had this person we loved and respected, an example of
how we wanted to lead our Jewish lives down the road,
naming our daughter. It was just the most beautiful,
personal, intimate experience.”
Julia’s naming took place about eight weeks after
her birth — but in the course of researching this piece,
I heard about plenty of namings for girls old enough
to walk to the bimah and eat the bagels afterward. I
stopped feeling like a bad Jewish mother for not hav-
ing named my almost-toddler yet.

Because as Yanoff reminded me, it’s never really too
late. He recalled a woman he once coached in an adult
B’nai Mitzvah class, a retiree who had been raised
without any Jewish ritual at all. When the day came
for the woman’s Bat Mitzvah, he included a special
naming blessing — the one his septuagenarian pupil
had never received as a baby.

And technically speaking, there is nothing wrong
with that. “It’s the best part about having a girl,”
Mindy Rubinlicht-Torban told me. “You really can do
whatever you like.”
Hilary Danailova is currently winnowing her way
through possible Hebrew names for her daughter.

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