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“They could do Haftarah, but they could not do Torah, and so
with some of these women it was ‘I was never allowed. I couldn’t
do what I’m [now] preparing to do for my adult bat mitzvah.’”
In other situations, women who have studied with Rabbi Cove
later in life say they were given the option of having bat mitzvahs
as girls but instead chose celebrations like Sweet 16s, eschewing
the heavy time commitment of bat mitzvah study at a time in their
lives when Judaism wasn’t as important to their sense of self as it
would become.
“And some women,” Cove said, “just loved to learn. They were
very bright, they had careers, and they wanted to learn more about
their own faith, their own religion and their own Judaism.”
Unique to all adult b’nai mitzvah, regardless of gender, is an
exercise of free will and, often with that, an increased level of
accountability. Unlike your average adolescent approaching bar or bat mitzvah
age, who may, more often than not, take the idea of a bar or bat
mitzvah — and the compulsory nature of the attendant prepara-
tion — for granted, adults enter into the process completely of
their own volition, eyes fully open to a time commitment that
might span anywhere from 10 months to two years.
This actually makes for a process that’s a little less stringent and
regimented than what you may remember from your own bar or
bat mitzvah preparations.
“At the beginning of the process in each case, we never
established a date for the bat mitzvah,” Cove added. “We went six
months, we went eight months, we saw where the progress was,
and then we decided, OK, six months from now, a year from now,
we’ll have a date.”
“It was kinda cool,” Cove continued.
“We were learning for learning’s sake at the beginning, with the
knowledge that ultimately it would lead to a bar or bat mitzvah,
but we didn’t put the pressure on the group, or on me, to decide,
‘OK, we’ve got 10 months from start to finish.’”
It’s this kind of latitude that the student of conventional bar or
bat mitzvah age might benefit from but very rarely has as a luxury.
“The process grew organically (with the adults), and that’s a lot
different from how it usually goes (with the kids).”
Organic or not, there’s always that fear of being up there on
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OCTOBER 24, 2019
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SIMCHAS JEWISHEXPONENT.COM
the bimah, on that religious equivalent of a pitcher’s mound,
essentially all alone, yad in hand, looking down at these foreign
marks on an ancient page ... and just blanking.
Th is kind of unadulterated terror transcends age, which just
goes to show maturity and fear of public speaking are by no means
mutually exclusive concepts. It’s even reasonable to surmise that,
for many, the dread of public speaking actually gets more acute
with age.
School-age kids, like it or not, have to give reports and
presentations in class all the time. But, depending on one’s
profession as an adult, one’s public speaking chops, not to mention
nerve, can atrophy.
Th at may be why, more than anything else, Cove thinks it’s
pride in conquering that fear and standing before their commu-
nity, chanting Torah and leading the service, that becomes the
most lasting memory for many of his adult bat mitzvah students.
“Th e fact that these women in their 40s, 50s, and 70s get up
in front of the congregation, when they’ve never before had an
opportunity to do this ... these are the memories they take with
them that excite them to this day.”
Loath to admit favoring one demographic cohort over another,
Cove concedes that it does feel diff erent to work with the adult
groups and see them succeed.
“Th ere is a recognizable, heightened sense of joy and accom-
plishment for me to have a group of adults fi nish the process, as
opposed to me just standing with an individual child.”
Of the adult classes Cove’s shepherded all the way to bat
mitzvah, there’s a special kind of pride: “I was proud as a peacock
to be able to introduce these women to the congregation.”
Over the years, Cove has lost touch with some but kept up with
several of his bat mitzvah groups’ alums.
“I know if they thought about it, (the bat mitzvah) would be
one of the top fi ve to 10 accomplishments in their lives, which is
pretty cool.” ❤
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Irma Brookstein ................................................. 23
Israel Guide Dog Center.................................... 14
Jan’s Boutique .................................................... 17
Rabbi Larry Sernovitz ........................................ 23
Rabbi Rayzel Raphael ........................................ 23
Sew Rob ................................................................ 8
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