Bat Mitzvah
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“They could do Haftarah, but they could not do Torah, and so
with some of these women it was ‘I was never allowed. I couldn’t
do what I’m [now] preparing to do for my adult bat mitzvah.’”
In other situations, women who have studied with Rabbi Cove
later in life say they were given the option of having bat mitzvahs
as girls but instead chose celebrations like Sweet 16s, eschewing
the heavy time commitment of bat mitzvah study at a time in their
lives when Judaism wasn’t as important to their sense of self as it
would become.

“And some women,” Cove said, “just loved to learn. They were
very bright, they had careers, and they wanted to learn more about
their own faith, their own religion and their own Judaism.”
Unique to all adult b’nai mitzvah, regardless of gender, is an
exercise of free will and, often with that, an increased level of
accountability. Unlike your average adolescent approaching bar or bat mitzvah
age, who may, more often than not, take the idea of a bar or bat
mitzvah — and the compulsory nature of the attendant prepara-
tion — for granted, adults enter into the process completely of
their own volition, eyes fully open to a time commitment that
might span anywhere from 10 months to two years.

This actually makes for a process that’s a little less stringent and
regimented than what you may remember from your own bar or
bat mitzvah preparations.

“At the beginning of the process in each case, we never
established a date for the bat mitzvah,” Cove added. “We went six
months, we went eight months, we saw where the progress was,
and then we decided, OK, six months from now, a year from now,
we’ll have a date.”
“It was kinda cool,” Cove continued.

“We were learning for learning’s sake at the beginning, with the
knowledge that ultimately it would lead to a bar or bat mitzvah,
but we didn’t put the pressure on the group, or on me, to decide,
‘OK, we’ve got 10 months from start to finish.’”
It’s this kind of latitude that the student of conventional bar or
bat mitzvah age might benefit from but very rarely has as a luxury.

“The process grew organically (with the adults), and that’s a lot
different from how it usually goes (with the kids).”
Organic or not, there’s always that fear of being up there on
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Melrose Park, PA 19027
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RRayzel@Shechinah.com Rabbi Larry Sernovitz
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www.nafshenu.org 22
OCTOBER 24, 2019
From left: Vicki Rubenstein, Debbie Mendelson, Marcie Cohn
and Debra Cohen 
Photo courtesy of Judy Silver
SIMCHAS JEWISHEXPONENT.COM