I sold my mother-in-law’s wedding band to my son for $1 (he is
named after this grandmother). I told him that I hoped he and his
bride would include his grandmother in their wedding ceremony
by using her ring.

I asked everyone there to be part of a bet din, a Jewish court of
law, and witness that I gave the ring to my son and received $1 in
payment. Both the lawyers and rabbis present agreed that a binding
contract had taken place.

As it turned out, my son’s wedding was beautiful. It was elegant
and warm. We shared the occasion with friends and family, both
old and new. Our in-laws were gracious, thoughtful and loving to
our son and to us. We ate delicious kosher food. I enjoyed having
my hair and makeup professionally done. My husband delivered a
meaningful toast to the bride and groom at the reception. I wore a
long gray dress. Everyone had smiles on their faces.

Was I both happy and proud at the wedding? Yes. Will I remem-
ber that day for the rest of my life? Absolutely. In particular, I will
never forget the smile on my son’s face as we danced to a song that
he had selected.

My advice for a mother of the groom is to enjoy the planning
and preparations. Volunteer to help. Recognize that the bride is the
one responsible for the wedding plans.

When I became agitated during the wedding planning, my single
daughter assured me: “Don’t worry — at my wedding, you can do
all the planning and make all the arrangements.” Knowing my
strong-willed and independent daughter, I doubt that this will hap-
pen. But I can dream. ■
Ellen Tilman is the director of library services at Reform Congregation Keneseth
Israel in Elkins Park and the chairperson of the Sydney Taylor Book Award
Committee of the Association of Jewish Libraries.

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