What
NON-RELIGIOUS Jews
CAN EXPECT
at a
RELIGIOUS Wedding
RACHEL KURLAND | JE STAFF
Five years ago, I coerced my non-religious, sushi-eating,
bar-hopping best friend to join me on a Birthright trip
to Israel.

This past summer, she got married in a traditional
Orthodox wedding.

As the first of my closest friends to tie the knot — and
the first time I joined a wedding party as the maid of honor
— it was a bit of a shock that she embraced her religious
side and made such a huge life change in just the past year,
especially knowing her Jewish upbringing involved a Bat
Mitzvah and nothing else.

Part of me was surprised that my friend jumped into
a drastically different lifestyle. But on the other hand, she
has always been spontaneous and passionate, and I knew
that anything she wanted to do, she set her mind to, and
I was always by her side along the way.

That said, it was definitely a mind-boggling switch from
spending time with her eating buffets of sushi and Chinese
food to reading all the labels for the kosher “U” stamp.

After recovering from the overall bafflement of finding
out about the man in her life through a Facebook engage-
ment post, I focused on the ceremony, planning table
arrangements and dresses (somehow I got away with a
backless purple number) rather than facing the tough
questions of a lifelong commitment.

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SIMCHAS JEWISHEXPONENT.COM




So pausing “Sunrise, Sunset” and putting the shock behind me,
I had to address another issue after her quick engagement led to an
even faster wedding: What would an Orthodox wedding be like?
I had never been to one before — or many weddings in general
— and I was aware that this wedding probably wouldn’t include
American traditions like throwing the bouquet and garter or a silly
choreographed dance with members of the wedding party (I was
very OK with eliminating that one).

I grew up in an active Reform community, but the traditions
differ greatly from Orthodox communities.

Based on their backgrounds — both husband and wife in this
scenario were raised pretty Reform or non-religious — a lot of their
secular Jewish friends and family members had a lot to learn as well.

Most of us tried to understand the Orthodox customs and avoid
insensitive questions like, “Am I allowed to rip toilet paper on Shab-
bat?” or “Why are you wearing a wig?”
To start, there were a bunch of words and phrases I didn’t know.

The bride and groom (or kallah and chosson) acknowledged
that this was a new experience for everyone, providing a brief sum-
mary on “Orthodox Weddings for Dummies,” in which they ex-
plained terms like bedeken, the veiling of the bride, or the yichud
room, where the couple share their first moments alone as husband
and wife.

Traditionally, the couple doesn’t see each other or communicate
for a week prior to the ceremony, building anticipation. Then for a
Most of us tried to understand
the Orthodox customs and avoid
insensitive questions like, “Am
I allowed to rip toilet paper?” or
“Why are you wearing a wig?”
week after, the celebrations continue and they don’t leave each other’s
side, generally sitting at their own table during Shabbat for sheva
brachot, or the seven blessings said post-nuptials.

The sheva brachot are the same ones recited under the chuppah,
proclaiming blessings from God for the newlyweds.

See Wedding, Page 24
Name: The Logan Hotel
Width: 7.5"
Depth: 4.75"
Color: Black
Comment: 10/27 Simchas Magazine
Ad Number: 00066144
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OCTOBER 27, 2016
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