Is Just Like Yom Kippur,
and Other Unexpected
Rabbinical Views of Marriage
Jason Cohen
JE Staff
ONE OF THE MOST JOYOUS OCCASIONS IN A PERSON’S
life is their wedding. While the extravagant ceremony with food,
drinks and dancing is fun, it is really about the journey to marriage
and starting a Jewish life as a married couple.

Rabbi Yochonon Goldman of Historic Congregation B’nai Abra-
ham in Center City, Rabbi Eric Yanoff of Temple Adath Israel in
Merion Station and Rabbi Elyse Wechterman, the executive director
of the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association spoke to the Jewish
Exponent about how marriage is similar to the High Holidays, what
different customs there are at weddings and what it’s like to get to
know the bride and groom.

They all agreed: Getting ready for marriage is as important as the
wedding. “The wedding gets a lot of attention,” Goldman said. “Part
of the reason why preparing for the wedding is so important is because
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you want to start things on the right foot. Leading up to the wedding
is the foundation for which we enable them to have solid beginning.”
He explained that a wedding is linked to the High Holidays sea-
son. God is considered the groom, the Jewish people the bride and
people are courting God throughout the month of Elul. Then on
Rosh Hashanah, God proposes and the sounding of the shofar is
the acceptance.

The wedding itself is the equivalent to Yom Kippur because it says
in the Talmud that all sins are forgiven on the day of the wedding and
the bride and groom fast on the day of the wedding as well.

“The wedding day is like a couple’s personal Yom Kippur,” Gold-
man said.

There are several customs at a wedding. In addition to being re-
quired to have the chupah outside, it also represents a Jewish home.

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“By standing under a Jewish home, we
elicit God’s blessings for a new couple and
life together,” Goldman said.

There are the legal obligations of writing and signing the ketubah,
reading the sheva b’rachot — the seven blessings — and exchanging
the rings, but there is also the tradition of friends and families hosting
parties for the bride and groom seven days after the wedding. This
is similar to the holiday of Sukkot.

Many people believe the rings are a formality, but the groom
must give a gift to the bride to show her his love — and it is crucial
the correct rings are used, Goldman said. There is the tradition of
breaking the glass, which signifies a bittersweet start to a new life.

Some people even use the shattered glass to create a mezuzah case.

“Even at the height of our joy, we break the glass to remember
that the temple in Jerusalem was destroyed and there’s still pain
and suffering in the world,” Goldman said. “Every time you walk
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into your home, you have a memory from
your wedding.”
Yanoff, who is a Conservative rabbi, said
he always tries to personalize each wedding and cater the customs
to what the bride and groom want.

“There’s not one way of doing it [the wedding],” Yanoff said.

As an example, he cited how, in an Orthodox wedding, the bride
will circle the groom seven times, but now in a more egalitarian so-
ciety, bride and the groom will often circle each other three times,
concluding with one circle together.

“I do think the liturgy and traditions of the wedding are so beau-
tiful,” Yanoff said.

All of the rabbis said getting to know the bride and the groom is
a special experience. They learn about their history, how they met
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