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How Do Synagogues
Define Members in a Time of
Changing Family Demographics?
P JARRAD SAFFREN | STAFF WRITER
icture the typical synagogue
family in the Philadelphia
area. What do you see? Young
parents and young kids? Maybe mid-
dle-aged parents and teenagers?
OK, maybe that’s an outdated pic-
ture in an era of declining synagogue
attendance. Perhaps today, the more
typical temple family is just an older
couple. Or, if not quite old yet, they are
an empty-nester couple with kids who
just moved out.

But that’s not quite right, either. The
reality, instead, is this: In 2022/5782
(and almost 5783), there is no typical
synagogue family anymore.

Like people, synagogues today
contain multitudes. There are young
parents with young kids and mid-
dle-aged parents with teenagers. There
are empty-nesters and old couples.

There are singles and non-Jews.

Philadelphia-area shuls do not even
use the word “family” to describe a con-
gregant group. Two Orthodox rabbis said
they define their members as “individu-
als.” A non-denominational rabbi said
the same thing. Several Conservative and
Reform leaders use the terms “house-
holds” and “membership units.” A
Reconstructionist rabbi explained that
he counts someone as a member when he
gets their email address.

But all of those descriptions adhere to
the same Jewish principle. In the Torah,
God tells the Jews to care for orphans,
widows and strangers. And in explain-
ing their modern approach to defining
members, rabbis expressed a desire to
turn no Jewish person, aspiring convert
or Jewish-adjacent person away.

“We fully understand and appreci-
ate that a member could be a single
person,” said Rabbi Geri Newburge
of Main Line Reform Temple-Beth
Elohim in Wynnewood. “Or it could
be a household of six or seven.”
According to Rabbi Isaac Leizerowski,
the leader of the Orthodox Congregation
Beth Midrash HaRav B’Nai Jacob in
Philadelphia, there’s a Jewish adage
from the Talmud that says “each person
is a world unto themselves.”
So, Leizerowski tries not to count his
congregants by the amount who pay
dues. His shul does have a member-
ship structure, and there are about 80
people who pay. The regular attendees
understand that the lights need to stay
on, the rabbi explains.

But the Philadelphia congregation
also lets in anyone who wants to pray.

As Leizerowski put it, that individ-
ual could be a 15-year-old boy or an
85-year-old man.

“You never know who’s going to be
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a positive contributor,” he said. “You
never know from whence the salvation
will sprout.”
Another Orthodox rabbi, Binyomin
Davis of Aish Chaim in Bala Cynwyd,
also has official members, about 100. A
majority of them are families, but there
are plenty of singles, too.

And for events, Aish Chaim is not a
“ticket-only place.” The synagogue offers
a “non-member option,” Davis said.

“If people want to attend services,
they just sign up,” he added. “We don’t
want money to be an issue.”
C on s e r v a t i ve ,
R e for m ,
Reconstructionist and non-denomina-
tional communities agree with this
Orthodox inclusivity toward all indi-
viduals. But their branches of Judaism
are more tied to prevailing conditions
in secular society, and so their congre-
gational definitions are, too.

As Rabbi Jeff Sultar of the Conservative
Congregation B’nai Jacob in Phoenixville
explained, “people’s perceptions of fami-
lies have changed.” Today, “the sense of
a household is broader than the sense of
a family.”
Sultar’s community includes nuclear
families, empty-nesters and singles. Since
B’nai Jacob is in a suburb, most of its mem-
Rabbi Leah Berkowitz of Congregation
Kol Ami in Elkins Park defines her
congregants as households because
she says it’s a more inclusive term.

Courtesy of Rabbi Leah Berkowitz
bers are not singles. But the rabbi nonethe-
less defines them all as households.

“Calling it family is exclusionary if
you have a single member,” he said.

Rabbi Leah Berkowitz of the Reform
Congregation Kol Ami in Elkins Park
also prefers the term households. Her
Rabbi Isaac Leizerowski of the Orthodox
Congregation Beth Midrash HaRav B’Nai
Jacob in Philadelphia does not feel a
need to define his members; he said all
individuals are welcome to pray in his
synagogue. 
Photo by Duskis Photo
community includes people who are
co-parenting, people who are divorced
and people who are widowed. The rab-
bi’s family is “spread out over several
households,” she said.

None of those categories necessarily
exist outside of the family definition.

But they might, depending on how
people classify their arrangements.

And temple leaders should work to
make those members feel equal to
households with two married parents
and two children.

“The mindset is changing,” Berkowitz
said. “The world is becoming more cog-
nizant that not everybody is living in
that ideal of a nuclear family.”
A synagogue, according to Rabbi
Aaron Gaber of the Conservative
Congregation Brothers of Israel in
Newtown, is a house of prayer, a house
of learning and a house of gather-
ing. And as Rabbi Nathan Weiner of
the Conservative Congregation Beth
Tikvah in Marlton, New Jersey, adds,
it should serve those purposes for any-
one whose “spiritual journey includes
Judaism.” In turn, members should
pray, learn and gather in their house-
holds as well, regardless of who they
live with.

“The other thing about household is
it puts the emphasis on a house,” Sultar
said. “It’s not just a synagogue-based
community. Judaism is very much in
the home.” JE
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