YOU SHOULD KNOW ...

Carly Zimmerman
W LISA TRAIGER | SPECIAL TO WJW
hen not on stage
— at Olney, Studio or
Folger Shakespeare
theaters, among others in the region
— Gaithersburg-based actress and
playwright Dani Stoller, 33, coaches
young women on body hatred and diet
culture, to help them overcome eating
disorders. What about the stereotypical
Jewish mother, insisting that
everyone eat?
Oh, yes. And I’m open about it. I
overexercised. I was a binger, not
a purger, so I didn’t throw up. But I
would starve myself or try to eat very
restrictively. I got involved in personal
training and then realized that I was
exacerbating an issue that was really
prevalent, especially among women —
body hatred and diet culture.

Well, we have the Jewish mother
stereotype, but there’s also the Catholic
mother, the Italian mother, the Greek
mother, the Indian mother. Mothers
are always feeding you. No matter our
culture, we all have this same idea of
food as a love language.

Yet, food is also something that,
when you hit a certain age, you’re then
talking with your mother about what
diet she’s doing and how you can hit
a certain weight. That’s fascinatingly
bizarre to me, that the same people
who feed you are also the ones who
are terrified of being bigger. In group
sessions, [I hear about] moms who
were feeding and feeding, yet at the
same time restricting themselves.

What did you do?
What else can we do?
As a woman working in theater,
you are often judged and cast by
your body type. Did you have an
eating disorder?
I did a boatload of therapy, not
specifically for food. It was just therapy,
and I was learning from all these
different people [about nutrition], but
something wasn’t right … until I found
something called intuitive eating. It’s
not an easy path because while it’s
called intuitive, you have to unlearn
what you thought you knew about
eating, nutrition and being intuitive.

In working with other women
on these issues, have you
found that disordered eating
is more prevalent in the Jewish
community, since so many of our
celebrations revolve around food
and either feasting or fasting?
PHOTO COURTESY OF DANI STOLLER
able to relate to one another on food
issues. I do have some clients who are Jewish.

But I think this is a woman issue. Food
issues cross all religious, racial and
ethnic boundaries. The way we eat
ends up being a great equalizer. I see
[women] from different backgrounds
where they might not really have much
in common, but I see in my sessions
that, no matter who they are, they’re
I’ve asked my clients many times,
“What helps you keep going?” Many say,
“Scripture study.” For Jewish women,
that means go back to reading the
Torah, and it becomes their talisman as
they go forward and reclaim how they
want to live their life. It takes a long
time to build these habits.

Tell me about your Jewish life.

As a child, I went to synagogue every
week and to Hebrew school twice a
week. I was bat mitzvahed and went
to Jewish summer camp. The theater
world is very Christian, shows go on
Fridays and high holidays, so I lost
my [Jewish] connection. As I’ve found
in speaking to many Jews, the rise in
antisemitism really sparked my desire
to get involved again. [During the
pandemic], I started going virtually
to Temple Beth Ami. I met with their
rabbi and I’m feeling this incredible
resurgence of my Judaism. When we’re
able to go back in person, my husband
and I are planning to go to synagogue
in person.

What’s next for you?
This fall I’m in “The Thanksgiving
Play” at Olney Theatre [Center]
and I’m working with an African
playwright, Awa Sal Secka, on a new
drama about a Black family and an
Ashkenazi Jewish family.

Back to food,
what do you like?
I don’t like the idea of “bad” versus
“good” food. That’s ridiculous. Food
doesn’t have morality. It’s just food.

I love to bake lemon bars. Citrus in
desserts is really underutilized. l
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