C ommunity
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DEATH NOTICES
Hartman Continued from Page 13
hating her for saying hateful
things will result in nothing
but more hate. Instead, I’ve
chosen to focus on loving her.

I love her for being passionate
about her values. I love her for
stepping outside her comfort
zone. I love her for reasons
unrelated to her zealousness —
she’s smart, funny, caring and
beautiful, inside and out.

During my latest trip to
Israel, my sister and I didn’t
shy away from tough discus-
sions. We talked about our
conflicting values and beliefs.

She expressed sadness about
the sinful life she thinks
I live; I expressed similar
sorrow at hearing her talk
about Palestinians. We agreed
to disagree, then disagreed
some more. But we also
talked about other things.

She took time off work to be
B E H R EN D
my personal chauffeur for the
week because I’d gotten too
used to American roads, and
driving in Israel terrified me.

I beat her at multiple games of
Scrabble. We prepared meals
together. I teased her about
being too picky in her search
for a husband, but also gave
her some stern sisterly advice
about not settling for someone
she doesn’t like.

In his excellent book, “The
War for Kindness: Building
Empathy in a Fractured
World,” Jamil Zaki tells the
story of Tony, a Canadian
ex-neo-Nazi. One of the pivotal
moments in Tony’s transfor-
mation is when he confesses
his deeds to his (Jewish) thera-
pist Dov, who accepts him with
open arms:
Here was this man who
loved me and wanted to heal
me, and here was I, a person
who had once advocated for
the annihilation of his people.

Tony felt he didn’t deserve
a shred of compassion from
Dov, but Dov extended it
nonetheless. This cracked Tony
open. He’d created a surface
of hatred to cover his shame
and loneliness. Once someone
accepted him, warts and all, he
no longer needed it.

I don’t live in fantasyland. I
don’t think my sister will drop
her beliefs on intermarriage
just because I love her and
treat her kindly. But I do think
that by responding with love,
I might be able to prevent her
extremism from getting worse.

Perhaps by regularly exposing
her to the fact that I’m in a
relationship that makes me
happier than I’ve ever been,
she will soften her views, even
just a little. Or at least, maybe
she will continue talking to
me rather than cutting me
off entirely, as some family
members do in such cases.

Though it is (arguably)
easier to love someone if
they’re related to you, this
approach might be helpful in
other contexts. Many people
would rather shut down or at
least disengage from discus-
sion with people whom they
view as intolerant, whether the
intolerance comes from their
religiosity, political ideology
or some other driving force.

But they should consider
how counterproductive this
approach is. It does nothing to
change the intolerant person,
and may even motivate them
to become even more intol-
erant. Instead, approaching
them with kindness, accepting
them and, yes, even loving
them, may have a more positive
effect. l
Elsa Behrend (nee Loewenstein) passed away
calmly at home on September 24, 2021.

Born in Philadelphia in 1919 to Sidney and
Cecelia Loewenstein, she enjoyed a long and
wonderful life. She attended Goucher College
and the University of Pennsylvania. She mar-
ried Albert Behrend in 1942. They were mar-
ried until his death in 1978. She was active
in charitable work, helping to establish an an-
nual surgical lectureship at Albert Einstein
Medical Center and made sure it continued
after Albert’s passing, in addition to estab-
lishing a permanent library for the education
of surgical residents. She was active in the
United Way, and in her eighties and nineties
taught ESL to immigrants and prepared them
for the citizenship examination. She and Al-
bert moved to Florida after he retired and she
continued to play golf, her favorite pastime,
there. She played on Philmont C.C.’s
women’s first team for many years. After Al-
bert’s death she would organize golfing vaca-
tions for her lady friends to England, Scot-
land, and Ireland. She is survived by her sons
Jim (and wife Pat), John (and wife Polly),
grandchildren Mark, Matthew, and Cynthia,
and several great grandchildren. Services and
interment were private. Memorial contribu-
tions may be made to Keneseth Israel Rabbis
Philanthropic Fund, VNA Hospice of Phil-
adelphia, or the charity of the donor’s choice.

GOLDSTEINS' ROSENBERG'S
RAPHAEL-SACKS www.goldsteinsfuneral.com
Rachel Hartman is a doctoral
student in social psychology at
The University of North Carolina at
Chapel Hill and a writing fellow at
Heterodox Academy.

Robert Benowitz, JD, on September 26,
2021. Beloved husband of Nancy. Survived
by loving children Adam (Alexandra) and Ab-
bey; sister Miriam Klein; grandchildren Sum-
mer, Max, and their mother Sara; Luca, An-
derson and Addison.

GOLDSTEINS' ROSENBERG'S
RAPHAEL-SACKS www.goldsteinsfuneral.com
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22 OCTOBER 7, 2021
JEWISH EXPONENT
Murray J. Bilker, September 24, 2021; of
Wyndmoor, Pennsylvania; beloved son of
Stanton and the late Adele Bilker; loving
brother of Warren (Stacey) Bilker and Paul
(Faith) Bilker; uncle of Miriam (Daniel) Neff
and Anne (Aviv) Shmaya; great-uncle of
Shaina. Contributions in Murray’s memory
may be made to Chabad of Hebron (chabad-
hebron.com)- Donate button top right of
page. JOSEPH LEVINE and SONS
www.levinefuneral.com C O O PE R
Freda Cooper (nee Trachtenberg) on Septem-
ber 27, 2021. Beloved wife of the late Isad-
ore Album and the late Louis Cooper; Loving
mother of Michele Weinstein (Michael), Stan
Cooper (Jodi), Lisa Cooper (Martin Gilbert)
and the late Marshall Album; Dear mother-in-
law of Gail Album; Devoted grandmother of
Kim (Jeff), Hope (Mark), Ryan (Sheena),
Laurence (Danielle), Robert, Jonathan, and
Lindsay; Adoring great-grandmother of Gi-
anna, Nicolas, Max, Reese, and Farrah. Ser-
vices and interment were Private. Contribu-
tions in her memory may be made to Ha-
dassah, 1518 Walnut St. Ste. 402, Phila., PA
19102 or to a charity of the donor’s choice.

GOLDSTEINS' ROSENBERG'S
RAPHAEL-SACKS www.goldsteinsfuneral.com
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM