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There’s No Singular Jewish Way to Mourn or Grieve
BY RABBI LISA SILVERSTEIN
WHEN I WAS IN rabbin-
ical school, we were taught
some pretty solid informa-
tion about death and burial.

It was academically correct
and historically accurate — it
was actually one of my favorite
courses. However, the class did not
prepare me in the least to
conduct a funeral. Moreover,
the information I learned
certainly did not give me the
tools to counsel families about
death and dying. In fact, the
very first week of my rabbinate,
due to my inexperience and
my lack of training, I advised
a family to make a disastrous
decision regarding the burial of
a loved one — leading a family
to go against the soon-to-be
deceased’s clearly articulated
wishes to be cremated. I
overzealously lectured the
family in the hospital waiting
room about the Jewish prefer-
ence for burial over cremation,
hoping the family would
change their loved one’s mind.

But instead, minutes after he
died, the family insisted on
burying him — against his
wishes. I’ve never quite gotten over
that mistake or that moment. It
has profoundly influenced me
in the way in which I approach
families during these difficult,
painful moments that often
precede death of a loved one.

I’ve been thinking about this
a lot in recent days, as I have seen
many posts — some indignant,
others curious — questioning
the fact that Ruth Bader
Ginsburg would lie in repose,
and how this honor might be in
conflict with the Jewish practice
of hastening burial.

There is no doubt that,
overall, the Jewish custom is
to bury our loved ones as soon
as possible. We are guided by
the Torah, which teaches us
that the body of an executed
man may not be left overnight
because it is an affront to God
(Deut. 21:22-23).

While it is true that, in
general, we do not encourage
delaying burial in Jewish
practice, there are instances
where we make exceptions —
a principle first noted in the
Shulchan Aruch, the Code of
Jewish Law, which notes that
while immediate burial is
ultimately preferred, there are
a number of situations that
warrant delay.

I can personally attest to the
fact that, in Israel, the burial of
the deceased occurs so quickly
that if you don’t check your text
messages for a few hours, you
might very well miss not only
the death notice but also the
funeral of a loved one or an
acquaintance. However, when a
noted dignitary dies, the funeral
is delayed without a second
thought in order to allow other
heads of state from around the
world to arrive, as well as giving
time for Israeli citizens to pay
their respects to the deceased.

When Nobel Prize-winning
visionary and former Israeli
Prime Minister and President
Shimon Peres died in 2016, his
funeral was delayed 48 hours.

Peres’ body laid in state at the
Knesset for one day in order to
allow the Israeli public to pay
their respects.

So, too, was the funeral
of Yitzhak Rabin, who was
murdered on Nov. 4, 1995, in
the middle of a peace rally.

His body also laid in state, and
then was slowly taken through
the streets of Jerusalem to
allow the public to pay respect.

There was also a two-day delay
in his burial in order to allow
for the arrival of dignitaries
from around the world.

Golda Meir died on Dec. 8,
1978, and was buried on Dec.

12 — four days later. Tens of
thousands of Israelis filed by
her coffin while it lay in state.

I am quite certain that
Ginsburg considered all of the
implications of what it would
mean for her to lie — or not
to lie — in repose, and that
she made deliberate, intelligent
decisions based on the desires
of her family. It is not upon
us to question those decisions,
nor to judge her or her family
regarding their difficult (or
perhaps not so difficult) choices.

I began this post with the
story of my inadequacies
regarding counseling grieving
families partly because, even
now, with more than 20 years of
experience as a rabbi, I still don’t
have all of the right answers.

However, I can say with great
certainty that there is not a
singular Jewish way to mourn,
to bury, to grieve. For those of
us who are rightfully sad about
the loss of such a magnificent
human being, we will find our
path through mourning and
preserving her public legacy. I
have no doubt that her family’s
private mourning will likely
look radically different than
the public honor that will be
bestowed to her by her admirers.

Just as I became overzealous in
my desire to “help” that family
make the “right” decision about
the rituals to bestow upon
their loved one, I fear that
in our desire to take pride in
Ginsburg’s Jewish legacy, we
might have collectively crossed
appropriate boundaries.

There is no doubt that many
of us feel a visceral connec-
tion to Ginsburg. Rather than
questioning the rituals that
will ultimately lay her body
to rest and bind her soul with
God, let us learn from her life’s
lessons and fight for truth,
justice, fairness, and equality,
as she would most certainly
encourage us to do. l
Rabbi Lisa Silverstein is a renowned
spiritual leader and the executive
director of Positive Jewish Living.

This piece first appeared on Kveller.

Diplomacy Built Israeli-Arab Peace. The Private Sector Will Sustain It.

the “Arab-Israeli conflict” appears
to be winding down. The Sept.

15 White House ceremony
celebrating a peace treaty
between Israel and the United
Arab Emirates, and a peace
declaration between Israel and
Bahrain, marks another advance
in Israel’s regional integration. It
also delinks resolution of Israel’s
conflict with the Palestinians and
the creation of an independent
BY DANA STROUL
Palestinian state from the broader
question of its acceptance by the
LESS THAN 100 YEARS after rest of the Arab world.

Israel’s founding as the homeland
As the normalization train
for the Jewish people in 1948, moves forward, the most
14 OCTOBER 1, 2020
pressing question is when, not if,
another country jumps aboard.

Though the
Israeli- Palestinian conflict remains
unresolved, the promise of a
warm peace among Israeli,
Emirati and Bahraini citizens
and businesspeople has the
potential to change the region
in profound ways by demon-
strating the tangible, real-world
benefits of people-to-people ties
and cooperation.

The Bahrain and UAE
agreements mark the third
and fourth Arab governments
to normalize relations with
JEWISH EXPONENT
Israel. Egypt made peace in
1979 and Jordan in 1994. But
there are profound differences
from what was negotiated
with two countries that fought
Israel on the battlefield. For
the UAE and Bahrain, there
are no territorial exchanges
required or historical baggage
to overcome. Moreover, the
accelerated timeline from
summer announcement to fall
signing ceremony underscores
the expansive relationships
between Israeli and Arab
countries already developing
for decades out of public view.

Though the United States
played a critical facilitation role,
the architecture for normal-
ized relationships well predates
2020. Two major regional
security trends prompted
unofficial ties between Israel
and countries in the Middle
East years ago.

First, alarm at Iranian nuclear
ambitions and support for
terrorist groups throughout the
region. Second, fear of Islamism
in both its violent extremist
form such as al-Qaida and ISIS,
See Stroul, Page 16
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM



O pinion
Clergy Stress Levels Are Soaring.

Rabbis Need a Break.

BY RABBI ELYSE WECHTERMAN
AND RABBI ILANA GARBER
IN THESE LAST six months,
Jewish clergy all over the world
have worked more hours, in
more ways, and with more
demands than ever before. And
they need a break.

In March, when the pan-
demic became a reality, rabbis
and cantors pivoted in every
way: They conducted online
services, streamed Passover
seders and began officiating at
remote and socially distanced
funerals. They counseled
families who either postponed
or drastically reimagined the
shape of the simchas — the
b’nai mitzvah, weddings and
other events — that had been
in the works for months (if not
years). parents of school-age children
barely holding it together
while they worked, parented,
managed their households and
watched the world falling apart
around them, all demanded
our clergy’s attention. And
rabbis and cantors, as they are
trained and so desperately want
to do, responded. They made
calls, arranged porch visits
and stepped up, sometimes
putting themselves in harm’s
way by gathering with people
who needed them. Against
the backdrop of increasing
civil-unrest and their own
passion for justice, clergy also
participated — be-masked —
in BLM protests and rallies,
supported immigrants and
asylum seekers at detention
centers, and protested against
the ongoing degradation of civil
with an outpouring of creativity
and energy, creating websites,
Facebook groups and resources,
holding conference calls and
practicum sessions, all on top
of their regular work. While
summer vacations were put
on hold, many used the time
to write or rewrite scripts,
service outlines and sermons.

Synagogue clergy produced and
edited video and audio produc-
tions, crafted resources for use
at home and reinvented liturgy
designed for shorter and online
services. Those working at
schools reimagined everything
from curriculum to instruc-
tion, while our clergy on college
campuses prepared to welcome
students back to a very different
community. The explosion of
creativity and response has
been enormous.

KVETCH ’N’ KVELL
Biden Recalls Examples of Befarek
RABBI JOSHUA RUNYAN’S ASSUMPTION that Joe Biden is
a capable, good man and supporter of Israel is not evidenced by
Biden’s history (“Why Trump’s Not Getting This Orthodox Vote:
He’s Neither Good for the Jews, Nor for Judaism,” Sept. 10).

This reminds me of our Passover story, which tells how
Pharaoh seduced the Jews with befarek, or gentle speech.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was beloved by our people, an eloquent
practitioner of befarek. Yet, in our hour of deepest peril, he was
nowhere to be found. He limited Jewish immigration to the
U.S. to 300,000 souls during WWII and famously refused to
bomb railroad tracks leading to Auschwitz, costing more than
a million lives.

During Biden’s service under [President Barack] Obama
(another practitioner of befarek), what, if anything, did he do
to mitigate the clear anti-Israel bias in that administration? The
answer is nothing, he furthered the appeasing of Iran by Obama.

Biden is an old-school careerist politician, dedicated only to
his own interests and those of his corrupt inner circle. Trump’s
actions have proven friendship for Israel and have struck a
serious blow against rising campus anti-Semitism, denying
government funding to universities who allow this danger to
flourish on campus. He is not a practitioner of befarek, but he has
demonstrated real support towards our community.

Trump has his flaws, but his policies are good for America,
good for Israel and good for our community. This committed
Jew, former professor of political science, and American patriot,
will be voting for Donald J. Trump on Nov. 3.

Louis B. Rappaport | Fort Washington
Clergy stress levels have been soaring, according to experts on ministry
and clergy nationally. Articles on clergy burnout during COVID-19 and civil
unrest abound on the internet.

Without prior experience in
production, they adjusted to this
new virtual reality by working
together to invent best-prac-
tices for community building
and inclusion in a digital world.

They learned terms like “mute
all” and “original sound,”
and they practiced defending
their communities against
“Zoom-bombing” — none of
which was covered in rabbinical
or cantorial school.

At the same time, the
pastoral demands, often the
most meaningful part of a
clergyperson’s work, multi-
plied dramatically. Isolated
individuals (especially elders)
experiencing loneliness and
loss, mourners unable to
attend in-person funerals or be
comforted by visitors for shiva,
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM discourse and human rights in
this country in particular.

All of this while managing
their own losses, their own
displacements and their own
family situations — children
needing to be home-schooled or
monitored online, aging parents
far away and fearful of their risk
for illness, marriages needing
attention, and congregations,
day schools and organiza-
tions weighing the constantly
changing CDC guidelines,
unsure on a day-to-day basis
how to proceed.

And this was all before we
started worrying about the
High Holidays.

Sometime in May, questions
about High Holidays began
circulating, and clergy and
their organizations responded
And all of this has taken a toll.

Clergy stress levels have been
soaring, according to experts
on ministry and clergy nation-
ally. Articles on clergy burnout
during COVID-19 and civil
unrest abound on the internet.

Barna Research, a Christian-
based think tank on faith and
public life, reports in a recent
study that 31% of pastors are
struggling with their mental
and physical well-being and
25% are concerned about their
marriage and family lives. A
Duke university Clergy Health
Initiative study found that 11%
of pastors report symptoms of
depression normally. Numbers
have skyrocketed during the
pandemic and shut down.

See Clergy, Page 16
JEWISH EXPONENT
Trump Is Not for Family Values
My wife and I want to applaud Rabbi Joshua Runyan for his
un-Orthodox courage in writing his opinion piece (“Why
Trump’s Not Getting This Orthodox Vote: He’s Neither Good for
the Jews, Nor for Judaism,” Sept. 10).

It is a sad time in America that so many believe the lies
emanating from the White House. Runyan lays out his argument
clearly, factually. I, too, feel that this country is more dangerous
for Jews at any time in my lifetime and the source lies at the
doorstep of a president who has stoked the fires of racism
and abetted the pandemic through his lack of leadership and
thoughtless comments.

When it comes to family values, the opposing writer Binyamin
Rose (“Many Orthodox Support President Trump. I’m One of
Them — Here’s Why,” Sept. 10) suggested that the Orthodox
community sees the Republican Party in line with theirs.

And their standard bearer? His values were heard on the tape
recorded on the infamous bus ride that is naturally totally
discounted by hypocrites. l
Nathan Farbman | Philadelphia
STATEMENT FROM THE PUBLISHER
We are a diverse community. The views expressed in the signed opinion columns and let-
ters to the editor published in the Jewish Exponent are those of the authors. They do
not necessarily reflect the views of the officers and boards of the Jewish Publishing
Group, the Jewish Federation of Greater Philadelphia or the Jewish Exponent. Send
letters to letters@jewishexponent.com or fax to 215-569-3389. Letters should be a
maximum of 200 words and may be edited for clarity and brevity. Unsigned letters will not be
published. OCTOBER 1, 2020
15