O pinion
There’s No Singular Jewish Way to Mourn or Grieve
BY RABBI LISA SILVERSTEIN
WHEN I WAS IN rabbin-
ical school, we were taught
some pretty solid informa-
tion about death and burial.

It was academically correct
and historically accurate — it
was actually one of my favorite
courses. However, the class did not
prepare me in the least to
conduct a funeral. Moreover,
the information I learned
certainly did not give me the
tools to counsel families about
death and dying. In fact, the
very first week of my rabbinate,
due to my inexperience and
my lack of training, I advised
a family to make a disastrous
decision regarding the burial of
a loved one — leading a family
to go against the soon-to-be
deceased’s clearly articulated
wishes to be cremated. I
overzealously lectured the
family in the hospital waiting
room about the Jewish prefer-
ence for burial over cremation,
hoping the family would
change their loved one’s mind.

But instead, minutes after he
died, the family insisted on
burying him — against his
wishes. I’ve never quite gotten over
that mistake or that moment. It
has profoundly influenced me
in the way in which I approach
families during these difficult,
painful moments that often
precede death of a loved one.

I’ve been thinking about this
a lot in recent days, as I have seen
many posts — some indignant,
others curious — questioning
the fact that Ruth Bader
Ginsburg would lie in repose,
and how this honor might be in
conflict with the Jewish practice
of hastening burial.

There is no doubt that,
overall, the Jewish custom is
to bury our loved ones as soon
as possible. We are guided by
the Torah, which teaches us
that the body of an executed
man may not be left overnight
because it is an affront to God
(Deut. 21:22-23).

While it is true that, in
general, we do not encourage
delaying burial in Jewish
practice, there are instances
where we make exceptions —
a principle first noted in the
Shulchan Aruch, the Code of
Jewish Law, which notes that
while immediate burial is
ultimately preferred, there are
a number of situations that
warrant delay.

I can personally attest to the
fact that, in Israel, the burial of
the deceased occurs so quickly
that if you don’t check your text
messages for a few hours, you
might very well miss not only
the death notice but also the
funeral of a loved one or an
acquaintance. However, when a
noted dignitary dies, the funeral
is delayed without a second
thought in order to allow other
heads of state from around the
world to arrive, as well as giving
time for Israeli citizens to pay
their respects to the deceased.

When Nobel Prize-winning
visionary and former Israeli
Prime Minister and President
Shimon Peres died in 2016, his
funeral was delayed 48 hours.

Peres’ body laid in state at the
Knesset for one day in order to
allow the Israeli public to pay
their respects.

So, too, was the funeral
of Yitzhak Rabin, who was
murdered on Nov. 4, 1995, in
the middle of a peace rally.

His body also laid in state, and
then was slowly taken through
the streets of Jerusalem to
allow the public to pay respect.

There was also a two-day delay
in his burial in order to allow
for the arrival of dignitaries
from around the world.

Golda Meir died on Dec. 8,
1978, and was buried on Dec.

12 — four days later. Tens of
thousands of Israelis filed by
her coffin while it lay in state.

I am quite certain that
Ginsburg considered all of the
implications of what it would
mean for her to lie — or not
to lie — in repose, and that
she made deliberate, intelligent
decisions based on the desires
of her family. It is not upon
us to question those decisions,
nor to judge her or her family
regarding their difficult (or
perhaps not so difficult) choices.

I began this post with the
story of my inadequacies
regarding counseling grieving
families partly because, even
now, with more than 20 years of
experience as a rabbi, I still don’t
have all of the right answers.

However, I can say with great
certainty that there is not a
singular Jewish way to mourn,
to bury, to grieve. For those of
us who are rightfully sad about
the loss of such a magnificent
human being, we will find our
path through mourning and
preserving her public legacy. I
have no doubt that her family’s
private mourning will likely
look radically different than
the public honor that will be
bestowed to her by her admirers.

Just as I became overzealous in
my desire to “help” that family
make the “right” decision about
the rituals to bestow upon
their loved one, I fear that
in our desire to take pride in
Ginsburg’s Jewish legacy, we
might have collectively crossed
appropriate boundaries.

There is no doubt that many
of us feel a visceral connec-
tion to Ginsburg. Rather than
questioning the rituals that
will ultimately lay her body
to rest and bind her soul with
God, let us learn from her life’s
lessons and fight for truth,
justice, fairness, and equality,
as she would most certainly
encourage us to do. l
Rabbi Lisa Silverstein is a renowned
spiritual leader and the executive
director of Positive Jewish Living.

This piece first appeared on Kveller.

Diplomacy Built Israeli-Arab Peace. The Private Sector Will Sustain It.

the “Arab-Israeli conflict” appears
to be winding down. The Sept.

15 White House ceremony
celebrating a peace treaty
between Israel and the United
Arab Emirates, and a peace
declaration between Israel and
Bahrain, marks another advance
in Israel’s regional integration. It
also delinks resolution of Israel’s
conflict with the Palestinians and
the creation of an independent
BY DANA STROUL
Palestinian state from the broader
question of its acceptance by the
LESS THAN 100 YEARS after rest of the Arab world.

Israel’s founding as the homeland
As the normalization train
for the Jewish people in 1948, moves forward, the most
14 OCTOBER 1, 2020
pressing question is when, not if,
another country jumps aboard.

Though the
Israeli- Palestinian conflict remains
unresolved, the promise of a
warm peace among Israeli,
Emirati and Bahraini citizens
and businesspeople has the
potential to change the region
in profound ways by demon-
strating the tangible, real-world
benefits of people-to-people ties
and cooperation.

The Bahrain and UAE
agreements mark the third
and fourth Arab governments
to normalize relations with
JEWISH EXPONENT
Israel. Egypt made peace in
1979 and Jordan in 1994. But
there are profound differences
from what was negotiated
with two countries that fought
Israel on the battlefield. For
the UAE and Bahrain, there
are no territorial exchanges
required or historical baggage
to overcome. Moreover, the
accelerated timeline from
summer announcement to fall
signing ceremony underscores
the expansive relationships
between Israeli and Arab
countries already developing
for decades out of public view.

Though the United States
played a critical facilitation role,
the architecture for normal-
ized relationships well predates
2020. Two major regional
security trends prompted
unofficial ties between Israel
and countries in the Middle
East years ago.

First, alarm at Iranian nuclear
ambitions and support for
terrorist groups throughout the
region. Second, fear of Islamism
in both its violent extremist
form such as al-Qaida and ISIS,
See Stroul, Page 16
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM