opinion
Edmund Case
A fter watching “Are You There, God?
It’s Me, Margaret” with one of my
grandchildren, I’m very concerned
that the thousands of tweens and teens
who watch the movie will accept, as true,
its very negative message about religion in
general and interfaith marriage in particular.

The movie is based on a book Judy
Blume wrote in 1970, a long time ago. That
date does flash on the screen when the
movie begins, but it’s easy to forget that
you’re watching a story based on things as
they were over 50 years ago. The movie’s
treatment of puberty, pre-teens kissing and
mean girls ages well, although I’m no expert
on those issues.

But the ways people experience inter-
faith marriage and religion today are very
different. The most dramatic part of the story is
how Margaret’s Christian mother’s parents
cut off contact with her when she married
Margaret’s Jewish father — and had no contact with
their granddaughter for 12 years.

It’s true that even today some non-Orthodox
Jews react very harshly if their children fall in love
with someone who is not Jewish. That definitely
happened more in the 1970s, when there was not
yet much interfaith marriage and the taboo against
it was still high. My mother’s father literally sat shiva
when a first cousin of mine intermarried in the 1960s.

When I married in 1974, my parents were unhappy
that my wife was Christian and, while my wife’s
parents never said anything, we learned much later
that her father was unhappy that I was Jewish.

But they all put love of their family over those
preferences, and they all had very loving relation-
ships with our Jewish children.

Both of our children married partners from differ-
ent faith backgrounds; I am pretty sure that our
Christian machatunim (their spouses’ parents) were
as delighted with these marriage choices as we
were. Our grandchildren are adored by their two
Jewish grandparents and two from different faith
backgrounds. I am afraid that the tweens and teens who watch
the movie will not understand that its depiction of
parents cutting off contact with their children for
14 MAY 11, 2023 | JEWISH EXPONENT
marrying someone from a different religion has
fading relevance in our world today. As far back as
2000, an American Jewish Committee study found
that 56% of American Jews did not oppose inter-
faith marriage, and 80% said it was inevitable in an
open society. The most recent Pew study of Jewish
Americans found that only 22% of Jews said it was
very important that their grandchildren marry Jews.

Meanwhile, Pew found that the number of Americans
who have a spouse from a different religious group
than their own rose from 19% who wed before 1960 to
39% who wed after 2010 — suggesting taboos have
fallen among non-Jews as well.

Viewers of the movie won’t understand that people
realize now that giving up a connection with children
and grandchildren deprives one of so much love, it’s
just not worth doing.

The second largely out-of-date part of the story is
how Margaret’s parents do not practice any religion
— they don’t celebrate Christmas or Chanukah —
and tell Margaret she can pick a religion when she’s
an adult. Margaret is clearly curious about religious
matters — after all, as the title says, she’s always
trying to talk to God.

I’m afraid that kids who watch the movie will not
understand that today it is rare for Jewish-Christian
couples to decide not to have any religion in
their lives. The recent Pew study found that
57% of interfaith couples raise their children
as Jewish only; that may include celebrating
Christian holidays in a not-religious way,
or it may not. The study found that 12% of
parents raise their children partly Jewish
and partly another religion. Some 30% do
not raise their children Jewish at all; they
may be raised Christian only, maybe with or
without Jewish holidays, or with no religion
at all.

There’s no suggestion in the movie that
for Jewish-Christian interfaith families like
Margaret’s, engaging in a religious commu-
nity — whether Jewish, Christian, or both
— can be a profound source of meaning
and connection. Instead, the message is
that religion is boring and confusing. In
the movie’s synagogue scene, everything is
unfamiliar to Margaret because she had no
prior experience, and it’s incomprehensible
because it’s all in Hebrew. I’m afraid that kids
who watch the movie will have no idea that
Jewish worship services can be lively and
meaningful — even with lots of Hebrew.

The dramatic climax of the movie is a scene
in which the Christian grandparents show up to
say that Margaret should be baptized. They’ve
had no contact with her for 12 years. The Jewish
grandmother’s declaration that Margaret is Jewish
because she went to services once is equally ridic-
ulous. In more than 25 years of working with and
studying interfaith families, I almost never encoun-
tered this kind of conflict. I’m afraid viewers won’t
understand that this kind of fighting over a grand-
daughter’s religious identity — instead of respecting
her parents’ decisions about religion — thankfully is
very rare.

Fiction seems to need conflict. There is a paucity
of positive messaging about interfaith families being
happily engaged in fulfilling religious communities
with supportive grandparents. Perhaps those stories
wouldn’t sell — but they are the reality for so many
interfaith families. Unfortunately, this movie will leave
tween and teen viewers — especially those from
interfaith families — questioning that reality. ■
Edmund Case is the retired founder of
InterfaithFamily (now 18Doors), president of the
Center for Radically Inclusive Judaism and an author.

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‘It’s Me, Margaret’ Is a Dated View
of Intermarriage