H eadlines
Orthodox Parents of LGBTQ Kids Seek Inclusion
NATION A L
VICTORIA BROWN | JE FEATURE
MINDY SAGER DICKLER’S
guiding philosophy is ahavas
Yisrael — love for fellow Jews.

“There’s no exceptions. We
have a responsibility to love one
another and not to judge one
another. Those should be over-
riding principles,” said Dickler,
president and co-founder
of JPride Baltimore and an
Orthodox mother of a gay child.

“There certainly should be no
room for homophobia any place
in our society, including in our
Orthodox communities.”
Eshel, an organization
devoted to promoting the
acceptance of LGBTQ youth
in the Orthodox community,
recently published results
from a survey conducted at its
annual retreat in November.

The report details the desires
of parents of LGBTQ children.

“We want you to know how
we feel,” the report’s opening said,
“and what you can do to change
the often negative and sometimes
bigoted viewpoints you express.”
The survey, titled “Moving
Forward: A Request from
Orthodox Parents with LGBTQ
Children,” found that 62 per-
cent of LGBTQ children had left
Orthodoxy (compared to the
findings of a Pew study that 83
percent of Jewish adults raised
Orthodox remain Orthodox).

The survey found that par-
ents felt that privately discuss-
ing LGBTQ experiences with
rabbis has not changed overall
community mentalities toward
LGBTQ individuals. The sur-
vey cites the need for Orthodox
institutions to reassess their
stances on LGBTQ individuals
in the community and “reach
out to the broader community
to begin a positive dialogue,”
the survey said. More parents
felt the messaging of national
Orthodox organizations should
change (37 percent) as opposed
to the messaging of their pulpit
rabbis (27.5 percent).

The survey also found
that every parent felt that day
schools needed to be doing
something different to address
bullying and discrimination
against LGBTQ children. More
than 63 percent suggested
mandated training for faculty
and staff while just under 32
percent wanted schools to pub-
lish an inclusion policy.

“One of the biggest sur-
prises for us is that the majority
of parents want their children
to be in a happy relationship,
whether it’s a same-sex part-
ner, or a partner of their choice,
and not be celibate,” Eshel
Executive Director Miryam
Kabakov said.

Dickler said that LGBTQ chil-
dren of Orthodox families “have
to make a choice between being
a part of the LGBT community
… and being affiliated with the
Jewish community,” and that it
shouldn’t be that way. The next
steps toward greater equality and
acceptance in Jewish Orthodox
communities, Dickler said, are
“in the hands of the rabbi and the
Jewish leaders.”
Kabakov hopes that rabbis
take notice of the survey and rec-
ognize that families of LGBTQ
congregants want acceptance
and inclusion from them.

Other steps Kabakov hopes
come out of the survey’s pub-
lication include education for
staff and faculty at Jewish day
schools and a greater discus-
sion among rabbis about the
issues facing their LGBTQ
congregants. Kabakov also
hopes that rabbinic associa-
tions will behave differerently
with rabbis who are friendly to
the LGBTQ community. She
cited examples of the threats
to remove a mashgiach’s cer-
tification abilities and another
rabbi’s ability to build an eruv.

“They hold a lot of power
and they use it to shut down
discussions,” she said.

Dickler is ready for the con-
versation to change.

“Time is up,” she said. “It’s
time to create an understand-
ing that [LGBTQ people] are
in our communities, are in our
families, they’re in our homes
and they’re welcome just as
much as any other Jew.” l
Victoria Brown is a staff writer for
the Baltimore Jewish Times, an
affiliated publication of the Jewish
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