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Despite Digital Dating,
Jews Still Look for Love In Person
Sasha Rogelberg | Staff Writer
Courtesy of Susan Mitchell
V alentine’s Day — far from a Jewish
holiday — is over, and Tu B’Av, the
Jewish holiday of love, isn’t for months.

But love is still in the air for Jewish
Philadelphians. On Feb. 16, Be Single No More,
founded by Jewish owner Susan Mitchell,
hosted a speed dating event for 20- and
30-something Jewish singles; it’s just
one example of how single people, fed
up with apps, are not only looking to
meet their match in person but also in a
Jewish environment.

“There’s just such a need in our
community, to bring a place, in person,
that people can meet and connect,”
Mitchell said. “Especially when it comes
to dating in community, you really want
to see people in person and have that
connection.” At the event, hosted at the Infusion
Lounge in Old City, Mitchell sees attend-
ees, about 20-35, not only schmoozing,
but connecting Jewishly, talking about
their bar and bat mitzvahs or favor-
ite Jewish foods. Some even recog-
nize each other from Hebrew school
decades prior.

It’s a reminder to Mitchell that dating
in person isn’t such a lost art, especially
in a world where dating apps, albeit
frustrating, are the norm.

“When you’re at a speed dating, what
you see is what you get,” she said.

“There’s no catfi shing; the person isn’t
wearing a mask; the picture isn’t 20 years
old. Like it’s them. It’s who they are.”
Michal Naisteter, a Philadelphia-based
Jewish matchmaker, has made similar
observations. “I feel like 99 out of 100 people haven’t
necessarily enjoyed the apps,” she said.

On dating apps, people are impatient,
often swiping left (declining a profi le) at
fi rst glance of any negative trait. In person,
you’re more likely to have patience with a
person who’s not your type.

“When we used to meet people at
bars or in public, we didn’t look at them
as these checklists and data points and
Attendees of Be Single No More’s Jewish speed dating event on Feb. 16 schmooze.

things like that,” Naisteter said. “We
would look at who the whole person is.”
Gavi Weitzman, a 20-something artist
in Philadelphia, has experienced little
success on dating apps since joining
apps such as Hinge and Bumble.

“It’s so hard to tell if you actually connect
with someone online because you’re
seeing a very curated version of them,”
Weitzman said. “You don’t hear their voice
or hear their infl ections; you don’t hear
how funny they are or how they look at
you, and those are all things, I think, that
inform your attraction to someone.”
But despite little success with dating
apps, many people continue to use them.

“They’re easy,” said Michael Spanier,
a Jewish Haddonfi eld, New Jersey,
resident. “You can do it from the couch.

You can do it late at night, when you only
have a moment, as opposed to waiting
for certain Friday night events.”
Apps such as Hinge also have a free
option to select only Jewish options.

While other apps such as JDate or Lox
Club are made for Jewish users, the
subscription fees and smaller dating pool
make them less appealing to Spanier.

While the easiness of dating apps is part
of the appeal, it’s also a big reason why
they’re frustrating, according to Spanier.

“That’s the issue,” he said. “It’s so easy,
people are putting very little energy or
eff ort into it.”
If there’s a speed dating or singles
event, attendees will get dressed up
and give themselves a pep talk before
stepping out of the house. The greater
the stakes for going out and meeting
people, the more eff ort someone is
likely to put in.

But in person or online, there are
still plenty of Jews wanting to access
exclusively Jewish dating spaces, which
has benefi ts to them, regardless of the
medium they use. In a world of endless
scrolling and myriad of singles events,
fi nding a more curated community to
begin dating eff orts makes the process
less intimidating.

“This is a culture I come from. This
is important to me,” Spanier said. “I’ve
noticed that there’s a lot more to relate to.”
Naisteter refers to Jewish dating spaces
as a “safe container,” a feeling that can
continue in more serious relationships.

“Being Jewish is just such a huge
part of my life,” Weitzman said. “And if
someone doesn’t have that history, then
I feel like it’s very hard to understand
who I am. I don’t want to have to explain
myself to someone. I want someone to
also have that love for going to shul or
know what Yom Kippur is all about.” ■
srogelberg@midatlanticmedia.com JEWISHEXPONENT.COM
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