O PINION
Has COVID Killed the B’nei Mitzvah Party?
BY RABBI ALEX LAZARUS-KLEIN
I REMEMBER MY bar
mitzvah party well, not because
of how big it was, but because
of how small.

As a middle class child going
to a wealthy suburban Jewish day
school, I knew how outlandish
some of the parties could be —
large halls, DJs, and fi ve course
meals. Even the invitations were
big, arriving in the mail with
intricate packaging as a signal
of just how expensive the aff air
would be. One of my classmates
was carried out on a throne to
begin the festivities.

For me, it was terrible.

I actually had to go to the
guidance counselor
for support. My parents tried hard,
but all they could aff ord was a
small band and a buff et style
meal. As a 13-year-old, I was
mortifi ed.

Th e competition has only
grown fi ercer over the years.

“Keeping Up With the Steins”
was funny, not because it was
Kirshner Continued from Page 14
Th e bill from ignoring them
comes due within days.

Unless, of course, you are
observing Jewish Christmas.

To be a Jew on Christmas
is to spend an entire day doing
either nothing at all or whatever
you want. Like most Jewish
families, mine had traditions
for this day. I kept a strict
calendar growing up: Wake up
(whenever I wanted), clean out
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM satire, but because of how close
it was to reality.

In the age of COVID, all
of that has been thrown out
the window, replaced by small
outdoor gatherings at the
family home — that is, if the
weather cooperates. Early on
in the pandemic, a family had
wanted to use the synagogue
parking lot to host a socially
distanced gathering, complete
with food trucks and a sibling
musical act. Even that seemed
outlandish. Both as a pulpit rabbi and
a father of an upcoming bat
mitzvah student, I must say I
am relieved.

Th e battle over family status
and bragging rights has grown
old. While b’nei mitzvahs
where I live in western New
York tend to be a little more
subdued, they still can wreak
havoc on the family budget.

Not only that, they take away
from the real purpose of the
event: to celebrate the accom-
plishments of a young woman
or man becoming a Jewish
adult. During the past eight
months, I have witnessed
the most meaningful b’nei
mitzvah ceremonies in my
career. Despite the obstacles,
the students and their families
have risen to the occasion,
overcoming great odds to
demonstrate their commit-
ment to a 4,000-year-old
faith. Whether via Zoom or
in person, the look they have
given me aft er it is all over has
been priceless.

At my niece’s recent celebra-
tion in Philadelphia, my
sister-in-law remarked at how
meaningful it all had been,
even more so than those of her
other children. I have to agree.

Not because the others didn’t
do an amazing job — they did
— but because this one had to
be earned. Reading Torah and
Haft arah in an almost empty
sanctuary was far from ideal,
but it helped remind everyone
why we were there in the fi rst
place. As we prepare for my
daughter’s bat mitzvah later
on in 2021, I have to ponder
if this will become the new
normal. Even aft er the vaccine
has arrived, can we please take
stock of the new rituals that
have been developed and never
look back? ●
my closet (whenever I wanted,
or skip it), shoot baskets at
the still-open JCC (whenever
I wanted), go sit in a 100-seat
auditorium to watch a movie
with 30 other people, nearly all
of them from our synagogue
(whenever I wanted, pending
showtimes), and go for Chinese
food, coincidentally with many
of the same people. I just as
easily could have done none
of these things and faced no
consequences or guilt.

When I moved away
from home and joined the
workforce, I adopted a new
Jewish Christmas tradition:
to talk to exactly one person
all day, and for that person
to be the woman who took
orders over the phone at a
Chinese restaurant on 14th
Street in Washington, D.C.

Roommates need me to clean
the kitchen? No, they’re home
with their families. Colleagues
need something? No, this is
the one day they’re not on
Slack. Parents want to talk?
Alex Lazarus-Klein is the rabbi
of Congregation Shir Shalom,
a dual affi liated Reform and
Reconstructionist Congregation
in Buff alo, New York. He is a
participant in the fourth cohort of
the Clergy Leadership Incubator:
Training Visionary Spiritual
Leaders for the American Jewish
Community sponsored by Hazon:
The Jewish Lab for Sustainability.

This piece was fi rst published by
eJewishPhilanthropy.com. KVETCH ’N’ KVELL
Cantor Mourns Cohen’s Death
I JUST PICKED UP my Exponent and was beyond saddened to
learn of the passing of Elias Cohen (“Advocate for Elderly Elias
Surut Cohen Dies at 93,” Dec. 17).

Th ere was a whole aspect to Cohen’s persona that should be
mentioned, especially poignant for me at this moment in that in
a few hours I will kindle the last candle of Chanukah.

Cohen singlehandedly maintained all the religious objects
at Main Line Reform Temple for more than 30 years, including
the many chanukiyot in the Temple’s possession. Th is was not
a few hours’ work. He came into the building weeks before
the High Holidays, painstakingly cared for every kiddush cup,
Havdala set, Torah breastplate, Shabbat candelabrum, etrog
holder, Megillah container, Passover plate and other objects
beyond counting.

Th is was not the act of someone who expected or wanted
recognition. As always, Cohen simply saw a need and quietly
stepped up. He did it because he loved the klei kodesh (sacred
objects) that beautify Jewish life. Most people were unaware of
Cohen’s contribution but, when the Holy Ark was opened on
Erev Rosh Hashanah, his handiwork gleamed as brightly as did
his soul.

May this beloved shammash be bound up in the bonds of life
eternal. ●
Marshall Portnoy, cantor emeritus | Main Line Reform Temple
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letters@jewishexponent.com See Kirshner, Page 19
JEWISH EXPONENT
DECEMBER 24, 2020
15