O PINION
The Orthodox Community Rose Up Against Accused Abuser
Chaim Walder. That Needs to Become the Norm
BY ASHER LOVY
ALLEGATIONS OF CHILD
sexual abuse against Chaim
Walder, the author of children’s
books beloved in the haredi
Orthodox market, and the
uncharacteristically swift and
harsh community response,
have left many wondering
if this case could mark the
turning point in how the
community addresses sexual
abuse. As an abuse survivor who
supports and advocates for
victims of sexual abuse in
Orthodox communities, it’s a
question I’ve been asked many
times over the last week. That
was when Mordy Getz, owner
of Eichler’s of Boro Park, a
Judaica store in Brooklyn,
took the unprecedented step of
removing Walder’s books from
its shelves, setting off a cascade
of action including Feldheim
Publishers halting the sale of
Walder’s books.

Those who come to me
want to know: What led to
this moment, and what does
it mean for the future of the
community? And why do some
allegations stand out when so
many do not result in swift
changes? Part of the answer may be
the unknowable vagaries of
human behavior. Sometimes
it’s because someone is victim-
ized in a shocking way or
decides to go public with their
experiences. Part of it is no
doubt thanks to the foundation
laid by activists and advocates
working to raise awareness
and change how people think
about the issue. In this case
and some others, careful
reporting by reputable journal-
ists lay the facts bare and make
them harder to discard. And
sometimes it’s because there’s
a reserve of pent-up frustration
that just hits the boiling point.

Too often abuse allega-
tions in the haredi Orthodox
community are met with
fierce denials by the accused’s
defenders or stony silence
from leaders. Accusers have
been vilified and ostracized
for daring to come forward,
especially but not only when
the alleged abuser is someone
who’s revered or beloved by
their own community.

I see the impact of that
dangerous dynamic all the
time, when people in the haredi
community call and tell me
their stories of being sexually
abused. Consistently, after
I explain their legal options,
most will express that they’re
too scared to come forward
because of the backlash they
expect to receive. Many are
scared they won’t be believed,
or of losing their livelihoods,
homes or positions in the
community, or are concerned
about what will happen to
their children or loved ones in
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DECEMBER 2, 2021
In one extreme case a man
told me he’d sat outside the
home of his daughter’s abuser
with a baseball bat mustering
the courage to kill him, only
to leave once he realized he’d
gotten the wrong address.

When I asked him if he’d like
to report the abuse, he said
he had other children whose
futures he was scared to jeopar-
dize. He asked me instead to
“embarrass” the abuser in the
community. Walder’s is the rare case
in the Orthodox community
where the alleged abuser is
beloved by, well, everyone. This
is our Bill Cosby, our Jimmy
Saville (the late British enter-
tainer accused of assault).

Every millennial and Gen-Z
haredi child, and even many
Modern Orthodox children,
grew up reading “Kids Speak”
and “People Speak,” Walder’s
popular book series. In Israel,
where Walder is a prominent
speaker, columnist, radio host
and child-treatment expert,
he’s even more universally
known and beloved. I knew
that whatever the reaction was
going to be to the allegations
against him, it was going to be
fierce, and visceral.

Indeed, in different parts
of the community there were
equally forceful — if opposite
— reactions. While some did
go on the offensive and vigor-
ously defend Walder against
what they claimed were false
allegations, many others were
disgusted and threw out his
books. There are those who
are hailing the communi-
ty’s response to the Walder
allegations as a sign that it has
turned the corner on sexual
abuse and is now a safer place
for survivors to come forward
and receive help and support.

That’s a mistake — understand-
able, but a mistake nonetheless.

Flashpoint cases are never
themselves definitive indicators
of sustained, systemic change.

They merely provide the oppor-
tunity for such change. For
example, the murder of George
Floyd caused America to take
a hard look at the system of
policing within which he was
killed. But even though Derek
Chauvin, the police officer who
killed him, was convicted at
trial of murder, it is clear that
lasting and widespread change
is still far off. Others remain
at risk.

The Orthodox community
is still not a place where survi-
vors of sexual violence are
encouraged to come forward.

Institutions like Agudath Israel
of America still require as
their stated policy that a rabbi
be consulted before abuse is
reported to secular authorities.

Whether that rule is written or
unwritten in other parts of the
Orthodox community, it’s very
often the expected norm. That
has to change.

Survivors must also know
that they will receive the
support they need from the
community when they come
forward about abuse. They
must know and feel that their
allegations will be taken
seriously, and that they will
receive the resources they need,
whether that’s mental health,
financial or legal resources,
following their disclosure. The
community has a large and
impressive network of chesed,
or charitable care, organiza-
tions for every possible need
imaginable, yet spends precious
little time, effort and money on
supporting survivors of sexual
abuse — not because it can’t
but because it chooses not to.

That has to change.

Furthermore, the culture
of backlash against survivors
who dare to disclose their
abuse publicly, or pursue a case
against their abuser, whether
civil or criminal, must end.

Too often we’ve seen rabbis
or community leaders make
public statements insulting
survivors or minimizing their
experiences. Lately, with the
spotlight that Child Victims
Act cases have shone on the
issue in New York — allowing
victims to report abuses
sometimes decades old — some
have resorted to making these
statements in private, but to
people they know will spread
them. The result is the same:
Survivors feeling too intimi-
dated and too scared to want to
come forward.

This should not be remem-
bered as the moment the
community solved the issue
of child sexual abuse, but as
the moment it was given the
opportunity to begin fixing the
problem. l
Asher Lovy is an abuse survivor
and director of ZA’AKAH, which
raises awareness about child
sexual abuse in the Orthodox
Jewish community, advocates for
legislative reforms, and operates
a Shabbat and Yom Tov mental
health peer-support hotline.

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