O pinion
I Used to Judge Ex-Orthodox Jews. Then I Started Listening
BY RIVKA NEHORAI
TEN YEARS AGO, I sat
shocked watching a new music
video from one of my creative
Jewish heroes, Matisyahu.

Newly married and studying in
yeshiva, my husband and I were
trying to figure out how to uplift
the art world in alignment with
our Orthodox Torah ideals.

continue to suppress his own
truth and voice, and for him to
toe the expected “traditional”
Orthodox Jewish line out of my
fear of what non-Jews might
think. At the time, I believe he
owed it to all of us.

A few years after we left
Israel, my husband and I began
hosting gatherings in Brooklyn
for creative, out-of-the-box
Jewish thinkers. Our guests
included a significant number
of what are derogatorily
referred to as “off-the-derech”
Jews: those who had been
raised in the ultra-Orthodox
community but had left
it. Many of them no longer
followed many or most of the
traditional Orthodox interpre-
tations of Jewish law. But, my
God, their Jewish spirit and
creating art that is critical
of your community are your
greatest teachers.

They have seen the belly of
the beast, and they have valuable
information for you. They
know how to make your world
healthier, safer and more just.

And they love the Jewish people
and Judaism perhaps more than
you will ever understand.

Instead of worrying about
the optics of a celebrity Chasid
going his own way, I should
have been worrying about those
who are hurting, who are being
abused by the systems that
structure the Chasidic world.

Those who want a different life
but can’t escape. Or those who
escape with scars.

Just listen to their stories, I
would tell my past self, and see
The denominations limit us.

Especially within Orthodoxy,
it becomes more about proving
you fit in than about being part
of an ongoing conversation.

Our creative community
in Brooklyn was filled as well
with those who jumped between
cleaving to tradition and listening
to the reality on the ground of
what was and wasn’t working
and shifting because of it.

This past year, I moved
far away from everyone who
shared their stories with me
in the last decade. I now live
in Long Beach, California,
outside of an observant Jewish
community. It’s quiet here,
as my husband and I try to
untangle for ourselves how
Jewish practice and belief can
serve us in contributing most
to the world.

One thing has become clear
to us: We need to listen to
the critics, no matter where we
are. Don’t worry about what
the non-Jews will think. Don’t
worry about a “backlash” from
white supremacists or antisem-
ites or other Jews.

Just listen. The future
belongs to those who struggle
and question and search and
shift — and can inspire us to
create a better Jewish world,
if only their stories are taken
seriously. l
Rivka Nehorai is an artist, art
educator and community builder in
Long Beach, California. Her work
can be viewed at rivka.gallery.

KVETCH ’N’ KVELL
One thing has become clear to us: We need to listen to the critics, no
matter where we are. Don’t worry about what the non-Jews will think. Op-ed an Example of Cancel Culture
Don’t worry about a “backlash” from white supremacists or antisemites
I was left aghast when I read the opinion piece penned by Leon
or other Jews.

Malmud (“Ben and Jerry’s Noxious Fuming,” Aug. 5). In that
Yet here was my icon,
Matisyahu — who rose to
fame singing about his faith
and wearing the black hat and
modest suit of a Chasidic Jew
— dancing around in a Santa
suit for his “Miracles” video
with a shot of an immodestly
dressed woman and a guy
dressed up as Antiochus using
the word “babes.” Outraged, I
wrote a blog post imploring the
singer to remember that he was
a “poster child” for a serious,
beautiful and deep people.

A few months later, I ran
into Matisyahu himself in a
random little shul on Shabbat. I
introduced myself after services
and took the quick opportunity
to bless him in coded language
that he should “continue
helping the Jewish world.” He
bowed his head in thanks and I
walked away feeling good about
what I had said.

I understand now that
I was really blessing him to
JEWISHEXPONENT.COM the depth of their insights blew
me away.

I can still hear the haunting,
booming melody of one man
who occasionally came. Born
and raised in a strict Chasidic
sect, he cherished his memories
of singing together with his
father and brothers on Shabbat.

He had chosen to leave that
community because he needed
to search for a truth and a life
beyond it, but he loved Judaism
so fiercely and deeply that I can
cry just thinking about what it
was like to hear him sing.

If I could say one thing to
my outraged self-watching
Matisyahu shift directions 10
years ago, and what I would
say to Orthodox Jews today
who say they are hurt by “My
Unorthodox Life” and any of
the other critical examinations
of the Orthodox world, it is this:
Listen. These
Jewish people
who have “left” and are now
how you can be a part of the
change. I know that many thrive
in Orthodoxy. But the point
isn’t that the system works for
some or even most people. The
point is that when someone
is sharing their story of what
didn’t work for them, it creates
an opportunity to discuss the
change that can be made, from
giving yeshiva students an
adequate secular education to
changing the way homosexu-
ality is viewed.

If those critical of the
Orthodox world are dismissed
as traumatized, mentally
disturbed or bitter, we miss out
on the greatest gift our society
could receive. To become whole.

To become better. To end abuse.

These voices are the checks and
balances for a society.

For the past 20 years, I
classified myself as “Orthodox,”
although I always identified
more as “post-denominational.”
JEWISH EXPONENT
op-ed, the writer demands that his readers disavow all support
for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream because of the company’s willingness
to “suspend their principles when they get in the way of making
money.” Malmud instructs the reader to rethink decisions around
the ice cream one purchases because he takes issue with the
purported inconsistency of former owners Ben Cohen and Jerry
Greenfield in the realms of social justice and climate change,
among many other areas of legitimate global concern.

However, I thought nothing of such things the last time I
purchased a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Neither did many
of my family and friends from various political stripes. Are we
worried about such things in relation to our ice cream? Not quite.

Like many of us, they simply enjoy a good serving of ice cream
from time to time, independent of the company’s stances on the
aforementioned issues.

So why then should we value Malmud’s opinion? I’m not
entirely sure of the answer. But I am certain of one thing: The
op-ed is yet another unfortunate example of “cancel culture” in
today’s society. l
Dan Klein | Wayne
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published. AUGUST 26, 2021
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