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Tu B’Av Celebrations Mark
Evolutions in Jewish Dating
SASHA ROGELBERG | STAFF WRITER
T he easiest way for Tribe 12
matchmaker Danielle Selber to
describe the holiday of Tu B’Av
is “Jewish Valentine’s Day.”
The comparison isn’t perfect, but
for a minor Jewish holiday that is nary
observed in the United States, the
cheeky moniker is the closest descrip-
tor to how Selber understands the day.

Falling on the 15th day of the month Av
(or Aug. 11-12 this year), Tu B’Av is a hol-
iday to celebrate love and, in the Temple
era, the beginning of the grape harvest. It
occurs a week after Tisha B’Av, an annual
fast day that marks the destruction of the
two temples in ancient Jerusalem.

While Tisha B’Av is a day of mourn-
ing, Tu B’Av is a day of jubilation. In
Israel, where Selber’s mother is from,
After more than two years of COVID-19, Tribe 12 matchmakers Danielle Selber
and Michal Naisteter are reconsidering how they host dating events.

Photo by Ed Meisarosh
the holiday is marked with celebrations
that resemble New Year’s parties where
women don all white. Having weddings
on Tu B’Av is common and auspicious.

If one switched the motif of white
with red or pink, they could see the
cultural similarities between Tu B’Av
and Valentine’s Day, albeit with very
different religious significance.

Selber’s parents are one of many Jewish
couples who were married on Tu B’Av.

They met in Philadelphia while Devorah
Selber, Selber’s mother, was on an
exchange program. She went on a blind
date with her to-be husband, and the two
married in Israel six months later. The
couple has been together for 38 years.

“It really added some roots to how I
met my husband,” Devorah Selber said.

“This is the way we did it; you just let
yourself out there, and something will
happen.” Traditions & Memories
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On Tu B’Av, it was traditional for women
to wear all white and go to the fields,
where men would meet them. Devorah
Selber’s blind date in Philadelphia was her
metaphorical trip to the fields, the chance
she took to find love.

For Adath Israel on the Main Line
Rabbi Eric Yanoff, frolicking in the fields
on Tu B’Av contains a different metaphor:
Following Tisha B’Av, one of the sad-
dest days of the Jewish calendar, running
through the fields after a week of mourn-
ing represents a reprieve from sadness and
the opportunities for new beginnings.

“I imagine there would be some sort
of cathartic outpouring of positivity,”
he said. “Coming off of Tisha B’Av, you
have this great release ... we get out of
that time, and it feels like we’ve made it,
and there’s a catharsis. There’s a sort of
an outpouring or an outburst of good-
ness that comes.”
Today, young Jews looking for love
don’t need to look as far as the Mishnah
to find meaning in this idea. After three
pandemic summers, there’s a renewed
desire to find love and new beginnings.

Selber, along with fellow Tribe 12
matchmaker Michal Naisteter, is host-
ing “A Night of First Dates on Tu B’Av”
through Tribe 12 on Aug. 11, an oppor-
tunity for young Jewish singles to go on
a short walking date, then meet up the
other singles participating in the event.

The program is representative of the
slightly different approach young Jews
have to dating, Selber and Naisteter
noticed. “People have gotten much more seri-
ous in their search for a mate,” Selber
said. “People have this feeling that time
was taken from then during the height
of COVID when it was very difficult to
date or meet people organically.”
Logistically, dating looks different
today. Singles are more comfortable
with online first dates as an opportu-
nity to more quickly tell if someone’s
vibe matches what they are looking for.

They’re more likely to relocate if they
find a match who lives farther away,
Naisteter said.

Though Tribe 12 has hosted Tu B’Av
events in the past, this year, Selber and
Naisteter had to consider what people
were comfortable with in regards to
COVID safety. They didn’t just want to
stick a bunch of people in a small room
together, which would make the event
more stressful than enjoyable.

Among even more variables to
address was the demand that a “love
holiday” like Valentine’s Day or, in this
case, Tu B’Av, would have on a single’s
expectations to find a partner.

“A lot of times, love holidays put
a lot of pressure on people, and we
wanted to create something that is
light-hearted and not pressure-filled,”
Naisteter said.

It’s a delicate balance to consider: the
increased desire to find a partner after
years of limited opportunities to do so
meaningfully. “My hope,” Naisteter said, “is that
people will walk away from this time
with a renewed sense of hope of finding
their person.” JE
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